MondoMudbutt

25 years a blade smith, and I still can't seem to mane any progress on a sexual relationship with Ms. Claus.

What’s up hot frog?

What if the English language was only made up of ‘Your Mama’ jokes?

If you had a question, I’d answer it incorrectly but ensure it was in fact correct, so when you tell others, you get called out and look like a silly sally.

As the snake slithered, the torrential rains birthed boner babies fit to be kings.

The pavement broke beneath his Rainbow Flip Flopped feet. “Breh,” he said, “O.A.R. is playing a show downtown and I have front row seats.”

The isotope isn’t ready yet. If you use it, it will most certainly ripped that bong hit from it, ok?

John Deere steered the feared weary steer clear of beer gears but Richard Gere hears the jeers with his ears.

Mustache. Crustache. Buttstache. Take your pick, sweet thang.

Barf roast beef was the best thing to ever happen to the school lunch menu in 89 years.

Boogers and cougars split the banana stream long after the bacon fell beneath the bee hive.

"Scream and your entire staff does." That's what my mother told my first boss at the ice cream shop on 3rd Street.

There is one place and one place only where I feel safe: The last stall on the left in the bathroom of the last Quiznos in Marmaduke, Minnesota.

Lemme guess, your lobster roll is actually made of ball bearings and seasoned taint.

Flexible payments and vegetable daemons sure do make me swell up.

People can get handsy in the kitchen, so I wear a full suit of assless armor to ensure the only thing they touch is my sweet butt.

Try as it might, The Hobbit does not do a good job of coaxing me into picking up a new hobby.

Scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours until I reach the bone. And then I’ll keep scratching until I reach your penis on the other side. And hopefully in scratching your penis, I’ll give you a boner.

I joined Scientology after watching Going Clear because it seemed like a wildly wet ride.

What time is it? Seriously, what time is it? Really though, I’m genuinely asking what’s the time.

I’m not a huge fan of acute angles. They rub me the wrong way and that’s final!

The new copy doc was sent to the client. Yes ma’am, it has the nipple residue you sent me.

I want to go to jail solely to watch sex take place in interesting places and inventive ways.

Flick the bean and trick the mean green flying machine. I beg this of you or the whole presidency is a sham.

My inner leg and right butt cheek are wet. How about you?