slowestjogger

And thusly the lad pulled the SWORD from the STONE! ...an’ then he put his widdle fingie in dere.

Fuck You Bill Cosby

Flowers in a vase put a smile on my fahz.

Hey tubby, it’s “intermittent FASTing” not “intermittent FROSTING”!

In this kitchen there’s only one rule: I don’t fucks with Arborio rice.

At this time last year - I was on a singles’ cruise, a REAL single’s cruise....I was all by myself!!!

A Feast! A Feast! was cancelled due to yeast

Fear washed over me like some gigantic wave, and that scared me.

Cube, doob, or lube. Rubik don’t give rides for free.

If you called me last week, I hope you’re still ashamed of yourselves. I understand now that the 14 cents I would have paid to add those two last words, would have saved me the price paid by my soul for having to explain and disappoint you. I had hoped to sleep soundly, knowing that I passed along much-needed incontinence aids for a bargain; instead, I lie awake at night with my imagination running wild pondering your bold, surprisingly graphic questions and “complaints”.

That sweet summer day holding hands in the park we were so much in love you and me and Mark

FBI’s most wanted? You bitches thirsty.

I don’t think of Bruce Springsteen as “The Boss”; but just a guy, strumming that old guitar, going over his band’s self-evaluation forms and restructuring their 3rd quarter goals on an individual basis.

A full-length mirror in MY courtroom? Well, I’ll allow it, but watch yourself counselor.

Forget it Jake, just like my birthday.

Forget it Jake, it’s that place way up the canyon by the dog park.

I’m the total package: there’s something inside of me that seemed desirable when you were drunk. And if you let me in the house, I’ll get peanuts all over your floor.

Keep your bedroom dark, but your pantry darker.

‘tis far too soon or late I fear, to now be full of Christmas cheer

Annie had tomorrow and Fievel the night sky when I’m alone and need some hope I’ll eat a whole dang pie

The birds in migration perhaps by some ancient rule stop to rest in my garden and shit in my pool

Ya know who works for free?!? AMATEURS!!! .......and...volunteers, our....generous volunteers.

The hero’s journey, tchroo New Jersey, and acrosst the woo-durr.

Don’t ever bring a peach to a lemon party

For what I had done, they said I should be given a medal. But I turned my back, threw my dildo down in the dust...and walked away.