Dunkin' "Internet" Links

I swallow toothpaste to clean the teeth I've swallowed.

I'm a good kisser, ‘cause I use a ton of mouth.

I’ll go to strip clubs the odd time. 7:13 am. That’s an odd time to go.

There's no accounting for taste. There's also no accounting department for Taste Incorporated so pay day is absolute chaos.

Helen Mirren is sooo hot and sooo old her testicles stick to other people's legs!

I just don't get it! You never wanna see our motel room under black lights and yet that's what I'm paying the big bucks for at glow in the dark bowling?!?

Did you know you can swear as much as you want in international waters?

I'm still living off the money from my epic bar mitzvah heist.

I stole a lead bib from my dentist's office today so now I can finally eat all those radioactive lobsters!

The Oxford dictionary defines Webster's dictionary as "a competing and lesser dictionary."

I sit on the face of danger.

I live in The Moment. That's the name of my gated community.

I'm not what women would call a "tall drink of water." You could say that I'm a tumbler full of water though, because I do gymnastics and I'm bloated.

I'd eat more salad if salad had four legs and wore horseshoes.

Colin Firth will always be firth on my call sheet.

I'll always remember where I was when I learned about spatial awareness and memory.

Parking is such sweet sorrow.

During their long run, doo-wop group,The Drifters, had some 60 members. Including many actual hobos.

He's just a hut-beat away from the pizza-dency.

I just jerked off a bunch of birds and... boy are my arms tired.

PetSmart and HomeSense recently announced plans to merge. "I'm sorry, but your dog isn't going to live, laugh, love through the night."

"Titty Bar" is Australian for Teddy Bear.

Excuse me, I have to feed The Meter. That's my snake's nickname. He's exactly one meter long and he eats hamsters.

Everyone's so impressed that Eric Clapton used to practice guitar until his fingers bled, but he just has really naturally bleedy fingers.

It's my dream to one day perform at the Penthouse Forum. It's a swanky venue, right?