Call Waiting for Godot

I'm a frisky little biscuit when it comes to Arby's Cheesy Brisket

A watched pot never boils but if you see something say something, fellow citizens.

Take one Andy, thrice Daly.

I just watched "Kramer vs Kramer" and Michael Richards doesn't even make a cameo! BAIT AND SWITCH!!! SAD!!! ZERO STARS!!!

Cluck me, daddy! Cluck me! The chicken or the egg, the chicken or the egg.... ooooo, I came first!

The missus and I always summer atop the paywall. You must try it; it's simply divine!

After a grueling legal battle with heartbreaking witness testimony, the judge reached a conclusion... time to binge the hell out of RuPaul's Drag Race: Season 9!

Although relieved to learn he wasn't having a stroke, the flames of the burning toast quickly consumed him.

I just read "The Sound and the Fury" but couldn't hear a goddamn thing. Faulkner? More like FAKE-NER! ZERO STARS.

I've finally gotten to a place where I can laugh about it, but that mime corpse absolutely ruined my carpet. I loved that carpet.

Are you jerkin' my gherkin or are we in a real pickle here?

A full moon turns me into a werewolf, but a waxing gibbous moon turns me into a waxy gibbon.

I know it's shitty, Margaret, but it is a toilet for god's sake.

The actress admirably focused on not breaking the "fourth wall", but not even that could save her from the fatal sinkhole.

"Cause suicide is painless, it brings on many changes" she whispered, gently leading me into that steamy Korean night. And now I've got warts that look like bad kimchi all over my downstairs.

Was ist los, Hotdog?

Loneliness is a dish best served for one

Amelia Earhart's back, but this time she's got a six-pack and a roundhouse kick that can't say no

Scotty Baby's Semi-Seasonal Suppositories now on sale in the lobby!

Lightning never strikes twice, but a toaster in the tub always cooks my goose!

Hottie gettin' naughty on a Squatty Potty!

A spokesman has confirmed, "The mohel got a boil by sticking his own bone in the oily calzone."