Smigg.

My post about he adult movies of the 90s, I talked about a channel called "L!VE TV", and I got this wave of nostalgia, so I went back and had a look at some of the high-brow entertainment that this channel provided. So, remember, this are actual shows that were broadcast on this channel. The Weather, in Norwegian - This show was basically the weather, but said in Norwegian by ridiculously good looking woman, Anne Marie Foss. On the weekends, she wore a bikini. Britain's Bounciest Weather - When it wasn't Anne Marie Foss creating pressure in the south, a midget would forecast the weather, on a tampoline. Blue Review - Imagine Siskel and Ebert, if Siskel was a greasy haired "lad", and Ebert was 90s Alternative Teenage crush, Emily Booth.... and they reviewed porn. Topless Darts - Two women play darts, with no tops on. Tiffany's Big City Tips - This is financial news, presented by a woman who would remove clothing during the show Red Shoe Diaries/Compromising Situations/Passion Cove - Playboy Channel "dramas". Threesome - an "erotic soap opera", starring Emily Booth. Strip Masterbrain - A quiz show, where models would answer questions, and have to take an item of clothing off when they answer incorrectly Frontier Wrestling Alliance - Taking advantage of the growing popularity of the "Attitude Era" of wrestling, L!VE TV started broadcasting quality british wrestling. I distinctly remember one storyline where popular masked wrestler, Big Daddy T, was arrested for going into a bank, refusing to take his mask off, and being mistaken for a bank robber. The News - This was just the news, with someone piss arsing around in the background, wearing a bunny costume. It was stupid, it was cheap, but I miss it. And I still have a crush on Emily Booth. Yeah, there might be things like Babestation, and the internet, but there isn't that fun, cheekiness to it. L!VE TV had a more tongue-in-cheek, nudge-nudge-wink-wink fun to it.

You know something, far be it from me to tell personal stories, I'm just here to make stupid jokes and factoids. However, this struck a chord with me. I was walking to get a bus, and I happened upon a group of drunk older women on a hen party. I got groped, had them try to take my jacket off, requesting that I get various body parts out, and various other things, and as I'm trying to walk off, they're trying to stop me. People saw this and laughed and said "Go on, you're in there!" like I'd be interested in a gaggle of drunk older women. I didn't feel threatened or harassed at the time, mainly because I'm 6' and I was 240lbs of pretty solid muscle, so no one's making me do anything I don't want to do. However, in retrospect, if they'd have done that to someone a less physically developed for want of a better term, or someone who maybe had social issues or anxieties etc. It might have had a much worse effect on them, and what are they gonna be greeted with?

I wish to address a statement about Demi Moore during the podcast, because it rubbed me the wrong way. "Demi Moore is hot in this movie!" Motherfucker, Demi Moore is ALWAYS hot, and always will be hot!

After listening to the discussion about it. I might as well add my expriences as a teenager in the age of the "Adult Movie" laden 90s. Back when I was at school, there was a bustling tape trading scene. One kid would have "Sliver", and is willing to make a deal to get his hands on "9 1/2 Weeks". There was the one kid who was trying to palm off "Naked Lunch", but nobody was gonna take that slop. The kid who had Basic Instinct was the hot hand. If you had that, you can decide your own terms. But, it was also great, because you weren't bringing porn into school, and because it's being taped off the TV, you just label it something like "WWF SuperStars", because who's getting in trouble for wrestling? But, all that changed with the advent of a new network channel, Channel 5. We only had BBC, ITV, and Channel 4, so getting your hands on tapes was much more difficult, because you had to scour the Radio Times, find something that could potentially be considered "dirty", programme it in, hope your mum and dad had gone to bed at that time, and then wake up earlier than everybody else to get the tape out before anybody could catch you, it's especially tricky if you have satellite. There was a real risk/reward aspect to the operation, but, if you could pull it off, you've got a bargaining chip. But then Channel 5 happened, and it just turned that shit on it's ear, because Channel 5 changed the game with the Friday Night Dirty Movie. Or, as it was pronounced where I'm from "The Frahdee Nah't Detty FIlm". With the Frahdee Nah't Detty Film becoming a staple in the listings, it basically collapsed the tape trading scene, because why would you wait around for someone to bring in a relatively tame Sharon Stone movie, when Shannon Tweed was on every Friday? The market was flooded, and now there was no bargaining leverage. And, what happens when an underworld market collapses? A kingpin rises up, and this kid rose up because he had a TV in his room. Not only did he have a TV in his room, he had a VCR... and Cable. British cable channels were weird in the 90s, some of them would just become softcore channels at 10pm. We had this channel called L!VE TV, you ask any man who was a teenager in the 90s, that channel was stuff of legend. You had Grenada Men & Motors, cars in the day, dirty programming at night, whatever took your fancy, cable had it. The market was back, but ruled by one kid. It collapsed again because he got taken down when someone snitched on him to the teachers. Those days were like the wild west, I still miss it a little.

The "You're gonna need a forklift to get hard" line might sound weird, but I have a theory about it. I think the line was going to be "You're gonna need a forklft to get it up!", and then there was a Bill O'Reilly "we'll do it live" incident. So the line "You're gonna need a forklift to get it up!" is changed because somebody said "What do you mean 'get it up'? Get what up? His dick? That makes no sense, why would you need a forklift? But why a forklift? But it doesn't "go up" it gets hard! I've never heard anybody in my life say "Get it up", they say "get hard". Just change the line! Change it! No no, keep the forklift in, are you kidding me, forklift is fucking GOLD! See, now it's manly, but sexy!"

I played God of War III Remastered. I hired it with my brother for 2 hours, really cheap considering you're basically hiring out a 100 seat movie theatre. At home, I have a 55 Inch, 4K Ambilight TV, hooked up to the houselights and a surround sound, and the cinema screen just blew it away, incredible experience, can't recommend it enough.

So, last week, I hired out a cinema screen to play video games, and I need to talk about it.

Some people called it a suicide, but for the Rangers of the 2nd Battalion, that's another word for mission. When an elite group of American soldiers are ordered to take out a series of German machine gun nests, they find themselves blindly venturing into hostile territory. Outnumbered and outgunned they must risk life and limb as they cross treacherous terrain, never knowing where the enemy might be hiding. As thousands of Allied soldiers stormed the beaches of Normandy in an attempt to change the course of WWII, Lt. General Omar Bradley (Chuck Liddell), Lt. Colonel James Rudder (Weston Cage Coppola), First Sgt. Lommell (Jesse Kove) and Major Cleveland Lytle (Randy Couture) lead the 2nd Battalion behind enemy lines and into a firefight against an enemy that greatly outnumbers them. Scaling a one-hundred-foot cliff, these heroic rangers battle to secure a strategic position and destroy a battery of German-seized cannons.

I watched "The Fate of the Furious" on TV a couple of days ago. And I noticed something a little interesting. When the football team The Rock was coaching performed the Siva Tau before the game, The Rock stuck his tongue out. Now, before the fight in Hobbs & Shaw, the Rock leads another Siva Tau, this time, there's no tongue (I realise that sounds weird now I've just read that back). Here's where it's interesting. There have been many who believe that in ancient polynesian culture, sticking the tongue out after performing a war dance, such as a Haka, or a Siva Tau, signals an intent to cannibalise their enemy. However, that shows a level of respect. As the belief was that by eating the enemy after defeating them in battle, they will consume their "Mana", their fighting spirit, their strength, and what made them a warrior, thus making the victor stronger. So, if you go by that line of thinking, The Rock was showing more respect to a girls football team, than he was Idris Elba and his army. Which adds a subtle layer to the themes of heart, and humanity that the movie had. Idris, and his army, were cybernetically enhanced, they had no warrior spirit, and were not worth consuming.

One thing that made me laugh in the movie, during the Truck Centipede scene, when The Rock said "We need more weight", and then the fat guy turns up, like that's an anomoly. Not to go into racial profiling here, but Samoans are known for two main things. 1) They're incredibly nice people, welcoming, kind, they treat strangers like family. Unless you piss them off, in that case, just run away, run really far, really quickly. In fact, here's a story about that. Pat Patterson was wrestling in San Francisco against Peter Maivia (The Rock's grandfather). Peter Maivia was a hero to Samoans. Well, there was going to be an angle at the Cow Palace, where Patterson attacks Maivia and injures him. Patterson calls Peter's wife saying he doesn't want to do the angle, because he was scared that the Samoan fans (and in San Francisco, there's a large number of them) would storm the ring and they'd kill him. The Rock's grandmother said "Pat, don't worry about it, they're gonna be at the top of the arena, they're not going to get to you." They ran the angle, and here come the Samoans, they want to kill Pat Patterson. One of the cops who was working the event took his baton out, and hit Sika Anoa'i (Roman Reigns' father) over the head with it. Sika didn't even flinch, and looked at the cop, with blood running down his face, and said "Brother, don't you EVER do that again!" and the Cop, instead of doing his job and stopping these Samoan fans from trying to kill Pat Patterson, said "Fuck this", and ran away. 2) They're fucking massive. Not even like they're lazy slobs, they're just huge Rugby playing, Football playing, Pro Wrestling, big motherfuckers. Case in point, Roman Reigns, when talking about his family, he referred to himself as "One of the little ones", Roman Reigns is 6'3" and 265lbs. How is a 6'3" 265lbs dude "one of the little ones?!"

Speaking of Roman Reigns, and this has nothing to do with the movie, but I like the story, his father, Sika Anoa'i, was a member of the Wild Samoans tag team, with his brother, Afa. The gimmick they had was that they were a pair of savages, who chewed on bones, didn't speak, and were "wild", as the name suggests. Well, a young Chris Jericho was hanging around the hotel they were staying in, hoping to meet some wrestlers. He then saw Sika, and approached him with a book, and in broken english said "Sika... please... sign book? Please... sign...", and Sika said "Fuck off, kid". To which Jericho responded with "What?! You speak english?!"

It's a shame that Jason Momoa wasn't able to appear as The Rock's brother, considering Roman Reigns was also in the movie, and the two of them are constantly told that they look like the other.

There's another classic wrestling reference. The Rock talked about taking something, shining it up real nice, turn that sumbitch sideways. Although, he didn't end it with "And stick it straight up, your candy ass".

Okay how about this. Instead of "The Voice" being an actual person, what if it's God's Eye becoming all "Skynet" and becoming a sentient being, allowing it to not only create cybernetic people (like Idris Elba), but control any screen in existence? Maybe that's why the World's News all appeared in Piccadilly Circus, they're not the actual newsreaders, they're God'SkEyenet created cyborg newsreaders. Because Idris Elba crafted the narrative for these newsreaders to regurgitate whatever they were told, and because God'SkEyenet can take over any screen it sees fit, here's all of the world's news with this breaking story, all at the same time, from all over the world. Now we know how the saga is going to end: Vin Diesel is gonna drive a car at The Rock, The Rock is gonna lift the road up in front of him creating a ramp, Vin hits the NOS, and goes flying towards the central hub of God'SkyEyenet. Then, he slams on the brakes, stopping the car in mid-air. Vin goes flying through the windshield with his fist balled up, screaming "FAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY" and punches God'SkyEyenet in the proverbial dick, causing it to explode. Then, we have what's basically the Fast & Furious equivalent to the Iron Man funeral (spoiler alert). Everyone's crying, they're upset, and then you hear... ..."You guys owe me a Corona for this!" He's still alive! As it turns out, the funeral was for Kurt Russell, the car landed on him when Vin Diesel flew out the windshield.

Yeah, as a longtime MMA fan, she was a really good fighter, then the mainstream sports places noticed her, basically "Look at this hot MMA fighter", I knew "Yeah, we're gonna lose her now", especially after the Cris Cyborg fight. There's a really cheap indie film she did called "Daughter of the Wolf" with Richard Dreyfuss, just shows that she's really coming into her own as a legit on-screen bad ass.

Yeah, but as it turns out, Owen's not actually dead, he was in a comatose state, because that was the insentive for Deckard joining the team. As a lifelong Mortal Kombat fan, and that convoluted-ass storyline they have going on, I'm looking at this thinking "What the fuck is happening here". People dying, but really they're not, bad guys becoming good guys, good guys becoming bad guys, and people parachuted in cars.

Deckard killed Han in the post-credits scene of Fast 6, tying him to the scene in Tokyo Drift. He then got out of the car saying "Dominic Toretto, we're gonna meet very soon" Then, in Samoa, he implied that he feels guilty for killing Han.

I have a theory as to who "The Voice" is. It's Gina Carano. She was Hobb's partner in Fast 6, hence the "Reunion" She was Owen Shaw's girlfriend, so she knows Deckard Shaw She was supposedly "killed", but, considering this is Fast and Furious, that doesn't mean a fucking thing, she's another "Super Soldier" that Eteon could bring back to life More importantly, I just really fucking like Gina Carano.

We should also bring up the reunion of an iconic cinematic team It was nice to see Deadpool and Peter together again.

At the risk of upsetting Tyrese Gibson, I wouldn't mind if they sacked off the rest of the Fast/Furious movies, and just stuck with Hobbs & Shaw. I'd watch 2 hours of The Rock and Jason Statham trying to play FIFA and talking shit to each other.

Yeah, "Black James Bond" makes fuck all sense in the context of the character. Somebody who was killed, only to be brought back to life with cybernetic enhancements... I'M BLACK MR. BEAN! would have made just as much sense as "Black James Bond". He could have just as easily said "I'm the Black Terminator", although, that does then conjour up comparisons with OJ Simpson, the original choice to play The Terminator, who lost out on the role because "He's just too nice, nobody would have believed he could kill anybody". He's basically RoboCop.

Idris Elba wasn't orginally going to call himself "Black Superman", the line was actually "I'm Black James Bond", However, Elba felt the "Black James Bond" was stoking something that was already being talked about, and it didn't need anymore fuel thrown on top of it.

When The Rock did the double shot of Tequila and had it go down his chin, I'm pretty sure that was a nod to The Rock's long time friend, "Stone Cold" Steve Austin. Whose gimmick was to grab a bunch of beers and drink them after the match. One of a whole punch of WWE references in this movie, which is to be expected with The Rock, even going as far as casting his cousin, Roman Reigns, who was basically there to do a bunch of his moves in the Samoan fight scene. Speaking of Roman, one thing that wasn't brought up on the podcast is that he filmed his scenes in the move, while he was going through a battle with leukemia. Dude was running round spearing motherfuckers, and driving around in high-powered trucks, while he was getting treatment for leukemia!

I wish I could tell you. I've always been the kind of person who just leaves people do to as they wish with their lives. But one of the biggest things that winds me up more than anything are kids being dressed like adults, especially girls, because I always think that's way worse, because I know what some people are like. It just makes me want to grab the parents by the scruff of the neck and berate them in public and just say "What the fuck doing you think you're doing with this kid?!"

I saw one that had the words "Future Porn Star" written across the front.