JohnBoyJack

O' Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo? Wait- that's right, you're working a shift at Walgreen's until 7pm.

If the devil's in the details and the angels are in the outfield- where's that leave me?

Butterflies are free...-- but they don't realize they're going to die in 2 weeks...

If E=MC², then I=MC-ʰᵃᵐᵐᵉʳᵉᵈ.

Where's down, cool cat?

Papal April-- Gay May (as in 1930s gay)-- Fly July-- Happ-"a" septiembre-- The member of December--

If a tree falls in a forest and hits a mime-- what kind of deducible are they looking at? Do mimes have a decent union?

Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet, eating her curds and whey. Along came a spider, sat right beside her-- and was like, "who the hell eats whey and curds? There's literally three starbucks within walking distance from here."

Once upon a time I was falling in love. But now I'm only holding in farts. Nothing I can do I guess!

Ding-Dong- The witch is dead! Which old witch? The wicked witch!-- That kind elderly woman that used to ring the church bell down the street. Dings and dongs were always her thing.

If push comes to shove- I'll shove you in the neck with a pen knife.

Once upon a time I was a boy... Now I'm just a guy with a sex robot and student loan debt.

Chinese take-out?! I thought you wanted to make-out!!