Houdini's Teeny Weenie Peenie

I'm not sure if it's the bath salts talking, but your eyeballs taste way sweeter than I thought.

I'm not sure if it's the meth talking, but this dumpster holds way more naked hobos than I thought.

Runaway Bride? More like runaway thank you-for-saving-me-years-of-grief-from-a-woman-who-will-tear-my-heart-out-and-stomp-on-it-until-I'm-just-a-sad-pathetic-shell-of-a-person-who-finds-living-day-in-and-day-out-now-utter-torture-why-is-God-punishing-me-was-I-a-Hitler-Youth-in-my-past-life-or-something-please-sweet-Lord-why-have-you-forsaken-me Bride...I miss her so much.

Colonel Keister reporting for poo poo duties!

Four out of five dentists agree that a frog in the throat is better than a swift kick to the nuts.

I hope this cream dip is supposed to have pubes in it otherwise I'm going to be really sick.

Cowabunga dude, you can't you see the outline of my micro penis in these white shorts can you? Because I want to look to look nice for gran's wake.

She's got legs and she knows how to shave them.

Fly like an eagle, soar like a dove, then crash like a meth head who's sold their last pint of blood. Welcome to The Hamptons.

Yes ma'am, that seat is free and so is the lice.

Quite Hoggin' the Unicorn Piss or I'll Tell Mom

Oingo Boingo Bubble Butts!

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants Called and your Bootcut Jeggings are Now Ready for Pickup.

Nobody Puts Baby in the Corner, Unless That Baby is a Straight Up Dick.

It's Poo Poo Time Turd Fans!

Innie, outie, leftie, righty, walkie talkie, who's up for Bukkake?

Cuckold my beer. I’ll watch.

Tip of my tongue, tip of my hat, what do I smell that has taken a shat?

Rise and shine gummy bears!

Joanie loved Chachi but not his porn tchotchkes found hidden under his stack of book Trotsky’s.

Whad Up Scum Nerds!

Hello Cleveland!...Association of Fundraising Professionals!

You Can't Cut The Mustard With Your Bowels All Flustered

At The Drop Of A Hat I Have Taken A Shat, Said The Bratty Rat Patting His Flattened Hat.

I’d Rather Have A Virus Then Listen To Billy Ray Cyrus, Proclaimed the King of Epirus.