Shittybutthole

This Thanksgiving, I'll be thankful that I piss when I shit, but don't shit when I piss. Now reach over Grandma and give me a kiss.

If every reporter ended their interviews with Trump by saying, “okay boomer,” we’d have world peace.

Side effects may include dysentery. Talk to your doctor about Comedy Bang Bang today.

Actor Keanu Reeves was not actually an assassin prior to his role in John Wick, so when the cameras started rolling he had to pretend he was

I was so happy to hear Scott say my username in this episode. His laughter over it made my day.

The first rule of CrossFit is to tell everyone you CrossFit

Guy Fieri without frosted tips is like California without an ocean

Alien on the streets, Predator in the sheets

Sexual predator rhymes with Redditor.

June 8th is national Ghostbusters day. Be sure to have your ghosts spayed and neutered.

Wipe that shit-eating grin off your face, because if you're eating shit and grinning today is not your day

Sit down and have a cookie, the FBI is waiting outside. I'm Chris Hansen and welcome to Comedy Fuck Tart.

I just finished it in its entirety. Excellent way too celebrate 10 years.

If you or a loved one has been diagnosed with Blink-182, you may be entitled to financial compensation

If God's not real then how come Peecha wanchee lockhba tang nannee du chonky troy? Atheists: 0 Christians: 0 Jabba: 1

If this is dysentery, it's not that bad. But if it isn't, I'm kinda' mad.

Two in the butt doesn't mean you're a slut, but 3 in the knee means you're playing Skyrim

My open door policy applys to my back door, too

If my dad could see me now, he'd tell me I masturbate a lot.

If my dick was John Wick, would it co-star Sandra Bullock?

Just ask bubba.

Mom?

What does that mean...?

Don't you?

Think about it...