Catfish

There are so many unintentionally disturbing things about this movie...At one point Gnorm is cowering on the sidewalk, alone and afraid, and then gets almost eaten by someone’s vicious dog. You can see the dog-owner just standing there holding the leash with their sweater tied around their waist, casually enjoying the sight of their dog gnashing at and terrorizing “the little freak”. Gnorm’s civil rights are consistently violated by the cops, but this seems especially egregious. Also when Casey pulls Gnorm in from dangling off of the high-rise balcony, it’s hard to tell, but I’m pretty sure he rips Gnorm’s arm completely off. Maybe Gnomes can quickly grow new arms and that’s why Gnorm’s are so long. But by far the *most* disturbing part of the film is Casey’s hair in the first scene. That wet, greasy mullet was so disgusting and unsettling. I was afraid his hair was going to look like that throughout the movie. If so, I would not have been able to watch.

One thing that drives me crazy about this type of “fish-out-of-water” movie is when the character does things that are so beyond stupid that they can’t be explained by cultural differences. I mean Gnorm is a relatively intelligent creature, right, with (at-least) bi-lingual language skills and the obvious ability to use tools, clothing, etc. So there is absolutely a 0% chance that Gnorm would try to shoot someone with the broad-side of a gun. Aside form the fact that he certainly understands the concept of pointing at something, and he has seen numerous people fire guns already, it is prohibitively difficult to grab the handle of a gun sideways and pull the trigger in this manner without being purposeful in your idiocy. Similarly. there is a scene where a speeding car is barreling directly down on Gnorm and he just stares at it as if to say, “Well, I don’t know what that things is, so let me stand here and find out.” How is this explainable? Are we to believe that In “Down-World” there is no concept of one thing smashing into another thing?

Not to mention the fact that she also received *another* magical nutcracker from the mysterious Christmas merchant by way of the nephew/soldier at the end. So, I had the same thought as you...It's going top be a crowded Christmas next year. Sounds like the sequel may suffer in the same way as Spiderman 3 by introducing too many adversaries.

I think we have all been looking at this movie backwards. It’s not about a magical sole materializing as a nutcracker in a normal little town. It’s about a normal person whose spirit enters the afterlife and is being pulled between life and death. It is evident that this a not an actual town because: - There is no currency/commerce - The cookies are free, the nutcracker is free, Kate gets a free scarf from the clothing store, Chip wins the silent auction. Money never changes hands. It’s like in Westworld when the robots see something that does not fit in their world, the just say, “That don’t look like nothing to me.” Here Kate just says to the Christmas merchant, “I don’t think giving away merchandise is a very sound business practice”, yet every merchant in town does it, most evidently, Kate. - It seems to exist in isolation. Although other places are mentioned, we never actually see anything other than this town. I think all the residents are happily “trapped” here in immortality. This is evidenced when Kate takes a stack of packages to the post office with each having only a single name written on a tag. No addresses are given, but I’m sure these packages will be magically delivered the same way goods are magically “purchased”. - The afterlife scenario also explains why Kate is so non-plussed about a man appearing on her floor. I suppose the residents have all magically materialized in similar ways and just become part of the fabric of the hereafter. So the movie is about Chip, a man experiencing a near death experience as his soul enters the afterlife. Apparently Chip is not ready for death and wants to come back to his corporeal state. This is why he keeps saying, “I can’t stay here, I need to leave before Christmas”, etc. In the end I suppose he is resuscitated. We don’t see any of that since the story is told from the perspective of the afterlife. Because of this and because the protagonist survives and goes back to real life, this is a Reverse-Jacob’s-Ladder-Scenario! As for the soldier/nephew who comes to town at the end…Well, sadly, it seems he is there to stay, so I am sorry to say, he does not survive. This also opens all sorts of questions like, what happened to that single mom and her children in real life? Tragic accident or foul play. The panel wanted to see a movie about that character, let’s see that prequel.

This is the movie that should be titled “Much Ado about Nothing” as it is like a Shakespeare version of a Seinfeld episode (about nothing). In the set up it seems the movie will be about how the men must struggle to keep their signed and solemn vow to abstain from women for three years. But nope, they tear it up when they meet some pretty ladies. Ah, but then there is a mix-up between a love letter and a declaration of treason that may have dire consequences. Nah, just tear those up too. Oh, but then the women hatch a scheme to trick the men by switching costumes. It works?? I mean, I guess. Pretty lame as far as ruses go. Finally, the film “yada-yada-yada”s over the entirety of WWII, and then, close curtain. I mean, what is the deal with these people?!

I want to never stop talking about this movie. My favorite line has to be when the Senator berates the the moonbats for messing up the plan(?) and says: "I think I was perfectly clear on this matter…Wasn’t I not? " Haha…If he was explaining the plan with phrases like “Wasn’t I not”, then no, I don’t imagine he was very clear at all. I also loved the scene where Mark was getting ready to help Gabbi move the dresser and Gabby is frustrated that Mark is taking a long time to remove his jacket. They use a clock wipe to show how long he is taking, however the only thing that occurs during the wipe is that he places his jacket on the bed. How long did that take? Did he do it in slow motion?

Yeah, I was so convinced that it was Canadian that, whenever they mentioned Sacramento, in my head I heard Saskatchewan. It wasn’t until like the third time that I was like, “Oh wait…Sacramento?!?…CALIFORNIA?!?!

This is one of the most prescient movies ever! Although filmed in 2017, it very accurately predicts the state of America today. Not only does the plot hinge on election ballot tampering, it also takes place during a global pandemic! At least I assume there is a pandemic as there are no campaign rallies, acceptance speeches, or press conferences (Gabbi only makes public addresses “virtually”). The streets and beaches of California are completely empty, and Gabbi interacts only with a small number of people in her designated pod (although she does have to double-her-bubble when she is quarantined in the Governors “mansion” with the Lt. Governor and the other two “Moon-Bats”). Gabbi is an apt allegory for Trump's covid response as, in spite of some social distancing, there is an alarming lack of masks being worn. Of special concern is the “State Dessert Honoring Mayor Turner” which has the potential of becoming a super-spreader event. This movie gets more right than Minority Report!

At the end, as the Jellicles watch J-Hud float away and just when I start feeling for the “exit” button on my remote control, the Dench Cat starts up ANOTHER three minute song about cats. In this one she sings directly to the audience with great sincerity to summarize all we have learned about the world of cats and to impart this final piece of wisdom… “So first, your memory I'll jog, and say: A CAT IS NOT A DOG.” All Jellicle’s refrain: “So first, your memory I'll jog, and say: A CAT IS NOT A DOG.” Yeah, no shit Dame Deuteronomy. Is this the moral of the story?!?!? Hearing this line (TWICE) almost ended me. This movie is so stupid.

It’s jarring how quickly this movie goes from throwback “Martin-and-Lewis”-esque romantic caper to “Ripped from the Headlines” reminder of systemic racism at the end. I mean, Christopher was straight up ASSASSINATED by a uniformed officer! Shot in the back, and he was not even fleeing law enforcement...just running to his lover. Granted there were no body-cams in in 1986, but I hope there was at least a grand jury investigation into Christopher’s murder. I’m certain I’m not the only one who initially thought his death was really just some scheme he devised to make off with the girl (you now, bullet proof vest, ketchup in the mouth, etc, etc, then show up on the beach with the girl in the final reveal), but in the end, I’m kinda glad his character did die because the Prince and the Revolution song played from Heaven is probably the best part of the movie.

Worst Philosophical Conversation Taking Place Over a Complete-Shit Game of Chess. Some one would have to do the research on this one, but there must be a handful of these.

Yeah, I doubt if Bezos is sulking around saying, "I can't believe I still work in the shipping department."

On second thought, maybe no one has ever really jumped off that building and it's just Tanya's go-to dumping ground for loose ends. Tanya: "What do you mean I can't return this telescopic lens without a receipt?" Clerk: "Sorry m'am, store policy. Tanya: "Fine. By the way, I need to make a delivery. How would you like a free flight to Santa Barbara?" Who knows how many people she has killed. Also, "A free trip to Santa Barbara" is a good euphemism for knocking someone off.

There are so many things to discuss about this movie!!! In the beginning I thought we were entering a 2:22 scenario. When Tonya was flipping back and forth between photos of “The Two Jakes”, I was thinking, uh-oh..we have a young man, involved in aviation, getting mixed up in some kind of soul-switching scenario. But of course that’s something only a crazy person would think…a la Tanya. Also the guy that Jake buys the plane from at the end of the movie says, “we moved around a lot when we were kids, so its kinda like a family home”. Are we to believe that his family was flying around from town to to town in a WWII era aircraft, picking up odd jobs, getting into adventures, and sleeping in the cockpit. THIS NEEDS TO BE THE MOVIE. Lastly the guy from the coroner’s office tells hard-pink that, “Apparently, a lot of people jump off that building.” What?!?! How many?!?! What does it take before some security measures are put in place?

The scenes with Pink Fedora’s neighbor, Lindsey, must be setting up a Lifetime shared universe in which the next movie will be titled “Deadly Observation: I Married a Stalker”. Not only has her husband disabled the motion sensor on the Ring camera so that he can record *everything*, he also has some kind of Dark Web site access on his laptop that allows you to immediately look up someone’s address based on a license plate number. THIS GUY IS UP TO SOMETHING! Also of note, the Ring camera footage of the models arriving at the house shows four or five workers on the roof right next door. I guess they got a really good show on the day of the steamy backyard aerial photo shoot.