AesopRockyBalBoaConstrictor

I wish I may, I wish I might, I wish my parents would not fight.

Out of the frying pan, onto my plate, into my mouth, into my stomach, out of my ass, into the toilet.

Please excuse my dear Aunt Sally, but please arrest my sleazy Uncle Stanley.

Humpty Dumpty sat on my balls Humpty Dumpty made my dick tall All the king's horses and all the king's men Couldn't make Humpty cum ever again

A girl in the hand is worth two girls with one cup.

Whosoever holds this cock and balls, if they be worthy, shall possess the power to make me cum.

Girls go to college to get more knowledge, but I just got a screaming deal on a one-way ticket to Jupiter, so fuck them.

Boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider, girls go to college to get more knowledge, but I go to my mom's house because she let's me drink soda and play Xbox.

If I asked people what they wanted, they would've said faster horses, but if I asked horses what they wanted, they would've said Blade 2 on Blu-Ray.

If I asked people what they wanted, they would've said faster horses, but if I asked horses what they wanted, they would've said faster people.

Fat Albert in the streets, Flat Stanley in the sheets.

Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close. But enough about what they called me in college, how are you?

If you give a mouse a cookie, you feed him for a day; if you teach a mouse to cookie, you feed him for a lifetime.