Jennifer JasonLee HarveyOswald

I did not seek, nor will I accept, this extended car warranty.

Get that finger out of your ear! That’s not even YOUR finger.

Tony Danza turned down the lead in Bonanza so he could bang Judith Light in front of his wife. Now who’s boss, motherfuckers?

If you look in the mirror and shout “boner” three times you’re transported to an episode of Growing Pains. That, or something else fun happens, I bet.

Well if you’re SO unhappy to see me, then what’s with the huge boner?

I’m trying to make one of those catch-line things, but I don’t see where to put it in. Can you help? Manwiches for dinner tonight! Love, Mom.

Jacques Cousteau was great at Scuba, but he’s got nothing on Judy Tenuta’s Tuba. Also, I think he’s dead. Either way, he’s not on today’s show.

At the Earwolf studio, we love to go nudio, and jam to our favorite Phil Collins song: Easy Lover

The truly terrifying toll of the pandemic is how many birds there are going to be.

Now sponsored by Capital One: What's up YOUR hotdog?

Don't you want me baby? No? Maybe I can interest you in some of me lucky charms instead? I still need to find a way to get rid of this baby though.

I still, still, STILL know what you did last 22 summers ago. And though I can't green-light your screenplay, I'm glad you had a nice time at Grandma's.

Like sands through the hourglass, so are those vegan taquitos I ate last night.

Welcome to the show, now enhanced with MOTHERFUCKING PUPPETS!! Whoa, hey, relax- they're just literally puppets that fuck your mom.

Listen, sheeple: Pan pizza? More like PLAN pizza, amirite? I ordered this food an hour ago.

I know where you've been keeping all the cheap fish that people usually only order at Big Boy. I'm your host, Scrod Stalkerman.

Jimmy banged Julie ’til she got super drooly, for Julie is sort of a ho. He fisted inside her just to abide her, but this isn’t that kind of a show.

I've gone from zero to hero, so put your meat in my yee-roh. Ghee-row? Jy-roh? Lamb sandwich.

What's the word on the street, tubular meat?

And welcome to my tight five. That's what I say to Kulap on a Saturday night, [hold for laughter]. But seriously, what's up with hotdogs?

Face down, ass also down. For the last time, ALL of you is made from down, Mr. McDuck.

It's the first podcast of the rest of your life. Which ends at the conclusion of this podcast. This is your only podcast. Sorry for your family's loss.

My Dearest Hotdog, I hope this catchphrase finds you well. The winters are cold here. Also, there's a pandemic- so we have a lot of extra time on our hands. How are things with you? Love, Scott

This episode brought to you by Bic Lighters. Dig Bic energy!

If you ignore Fred's grieving cry, yabba-DABDA-doo, that's on you. Barney, you dick.