Briny Lickfold

Dear Governor, I'm trapped in a loveless prison. Help me break free.

Silver tinsel, pink tonsils, put 'em in the ground, grow a baby rock star 15 pounds.

Whenever I'm sent to the principal's office I change into a Hawaiian shirt, but that doesn't mean I'm not crying on the inside.

I was arrested for a misdemeanor and am in a one year pretrial diversion program. I'm a prostitute.

We are delighted to welcome Dr. Two Fingers to our proctology or OB-GYN practice. We're not sure which, but either way, she's looking forward to finger banging you.

How many fingers am I holding up? Sorry, I shouldn't have held up ten. That's too many fingers to count when you're in so much pain.

I lost control of my bladder and crashed it through the guardrail. It burst into flame and my urine put it out, but I still need to poop.

My brains are already out. Please try fucking me gently.

An elevator is just like a bathroom except on an elevator sometimes your poop goes up.

Comedy Bang Bang in the bush, Comedy Bang Bang up my tush.

Henry the 8th's wives started a podcast and people are losing their heads over it.

A familiar thing, a new thing, a gross thing, a rhyming thing.

Welcome to Monday Night Football, I'm your blood, booger and grass stained hostess.

I'm cramping really badly and you cramp so well.

Whop my kite and I'll soil my knickers.

Pancakes with ipecac syrup? Pancakes, I hardly knew ye.

Welcome to Battlestar Galactorrhea: the boobs are in space and the discharge is in your face.

It's Californ-I-A, not Californ-I-Can't, so Cali-Fuck-You!

Lock the baby gates. Nursery school is in session.

Made you squirt. My finger hurts. Kiss the boo-boo, God, I love you.

In 2020 my girlfriend was Jenny. In 2021 it'll be me mum.