Angry Trellis

Hello. My left testicle has been enlarged and in pain for about a week. Should I call the doctor?

Cantankerous conversations create a convoluted cavalcade of canonic characters. Please enjoy.

Pride? No that's jizzum, my dear boy! Now be a good lad and fetch the ladle.

Apple of my eye, orange of my nose, banana of my diiiiiiiick.

You know what they say, "You can't win and eat pancakes at the same time!"

Angel near, heavenly dear, sinful sear, devilish snear, sexy rear... oh shit, I'm cumming over here!

Oh dear, my marmalade won't spread. Would you be a doll and grab my chainsaw from the shed?

"I guess you could say, the saint really has become the sinner," he said with the wink of his asshole and the toot of his colon.

You're a Master of Ceremonies? I'm a Master of Feral Ponies! What do you think of my mixtape?

Shonda Rhimes is always on time and has an uncanny ability to speak in... What's the word I'm looking for? Oh yes, code. She speaks in coded language to disguise her heinous crimes.

You stick your left hand in, you stick your right hand in. That's it. Oh fuck don't stop.

One beep means move, two beeps mean fuck you, three beeps mean we hit our gross domestic revenue

A failure of the heart is really just a failure of your private part

A tangle in the jangle is really just an acute angle in the isosceles triangle.

Come one, come all to the pimp slayer's ball, where the shag carpet shags for free.

Clowns to the left of me! Jokers to the right! Here I am stuck in the Joker's hideout! Call Batman!

Comedy Bang Bang, the show where interesting people talk to me. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang, the show where we talk to interesting people.

Angelic voices, demonic forces, sexual healing

Flatulence. Rated R. It will blow you away.

Maureen Butskin is my maiden name. Please call me Maureen Ass-skin.

From muppets that fart to farting puppets, you won't believe your eyes... or your nose!

Where's Ellen?

I before E except after C. Sex before marriage except after miscarriage.

Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Both you idiot, there's a chicken in that egg!

You say tomato, I say there's something wrong--that's clearly a pineapple. Are you okay?