award-losing filmmaker

Not if I see you first on Twitter!!

Question: if we DON'T want access to the @CBBCatchphrases account, do we have to specify, and does it matter if we are Scott/an Earwolf producer or not/an Earwolf producer?

I want to congratulate you on those condolences. Well concocted. No, I said 'concocted'. What would 'well can cock did?' even mean?

This is going to be fun. If you do not enjoy fun you should leave. NOW!

The fart jokes are really beating the hell out of the burp jokes, and it's like the queef jokes can't even be bothered to get out of bed.

It's about these... uh... PENS! And they have emotions and go to school, and uh then they find out that grown-up pens... um... mostly just sit in a mug and get clogged up before they ever run out of ink, because of computers & phones who are the bad guys.

Only all. Everything, and that's it. No nothings.

"Self-imitation is the sincerest form of flattery that mediocrity can pay to greatness" -me, plagiarizing Oscar Wilde plagiarizing Colton, who still owes me $20.

This reminds me of the story my friend has about getting in trouble for plagiarizing himself. I'll tell it if I ever get a catchphrase accepted. These are my demands.

Huh. I thought a 'super-laxative' was going to do something else, I guess.

I'm just thinking out loud here, but what if the microwave is right and I DON'T have to collect my toenails in a dollhouse elevator to appease ANYBODY, let alone some marmoset somewhere? Well, better safe than sorry.

Please don't wear underpants over your overpants while you're here. Our culture considers that extremely, extremely offensively dumb.

I'm a philosophy professor, and sometimes after working with abstruse concepts all day, we go out for drinks. Man, some of those concepts can fucking chug.

Beige suede ninjas, who's in?

I've always been overly asexual, but I have developed some groping mechanisms.

The greatest thing you could ever do in your entire life is to be or do the best thing that there is, whether it's really large or really good, or just important. Entire life.

¡Bienvenidos al podcast donde hablamos sobre el teatro y los terribles sucesos! ¡Esto es Tragedia Golpe Golpe!

Tonight on The Big Picture, we examine the perilous state of the modern world: looming environmental catastrophe, the advent of fascism, the utter lack of shared truths & values. But first on our program, we take a look at frenzied, sweaty fucking.

She's my step-sister AND my step-daughter!!

Welcome to Call Backs, the game show where we connect earlier successful jokes to anything else at all!!

It's like prop comedy for your ears.