Cucker Tarlson

Little pig, little pig, let me come rim. Rub your hole with the hair on my chinny chin chin.

Catch me sucking on chili dogs

Whoever queefed it beefed it

I ain't too proud to peg.

You can take the Judge out of Gremlins, but never the Gremlins out of Judge.

I'm pooping on you through my ass. Don't how much shit has passed. Oh, God, this feels like forever.

Squeeze me, babe. I'm 10% real juice and 100% that bitch.

The penis mightier than the sword.

"Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair" barked the dog, while my Roomba dragged its turd across the carpet. Nothing beside remains. Grounded in and decaying.

A prospector works with their prospects, amirite?

Why yes, you may slap and tickle my hammy pickle, good sir.

In the Midwest, people will refuse to have the last laugh.

My blood runs cold. My memory has just been sold. My anus is the center hole.

I'm the feckless cuck and I'm here to say, dudes bang my wife every day. Every day, every way, every type of style. I sit in the closet and watch for awhile.

Whisper me sweet nothings while I yeet these cuff links.

Check it out! It's been raining cats and dogs while you were painting my hog.

I better roll up the sleeves, cause this chicken ain't gonna choke itself!

I'm ready for Hot Joe Summer. That's right, I'm only drinking black coffee these next three months.

Welcome to lock the gates, the podcast about chain link fences.

This is not my beautiful house, this is not my beautiful ex-girlfriend!

Call me a talking head because this must be the place and I'm a psycho killer letting the days go by.

Look. I don't want to end this sentence on a cliffhanger, but.

This tastes like shit, and you and I have VERY different understandings on what a "moon pie" is.

Enough of my Grace & Frankie fan-fiction. It's time to start the show!

I'm here to do two things: chew bubblegum and write the Entourage Turtle spinoff. And I'm all out of bubblegum OOOOH YEEEEAH.