BrotherRabbit

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. Which is precisely why I never talk shit about Clowns or Strippers.

Of course that’s what it means

Whilst showering with another person, it’s almost impossible to not make a silly face when you’re scrubbing your own asshole.

I couldn’t find a Hallmark card that says, “Sorry for farting in your purse and then zipping it up.” So I just got a “Get well soon.”

Who has two thumbs and loves blowjobs?! …not so fast, Drummer from Def Leppard!

I dedicate this episode to all the virgins out there. Thanks for fucking nothing.

The best way to tell that The Moon Landing was fake is to notice that none of them walked backwards to a funky beat.

I always take requests. I just never play them.

If the shoe fits… Shove it up your ass.

Is making your butt clap considered a Crouching Ovation?

Jesus was a carpenter. So was Karen. And they both died from Anorexia.

If I ever saw Eddie Vedder on the streets, I would repeatedly refer to him as “Daughter”, until he told me not to.

I’m a triple threat. I’ve got ass, gas, AND grass.

How much is that doggy in the window? I’ll take two pounds please. Thin-sliced.

When you feel your phone vibrate in your pocket, then realize you don’t even have your phone, that’s ghosts… feelin’ up your junk.

Nothing says “Fuck You” better than the gigantic “Fuck You” banner I made for you.

The circlejerk always gets weird when the left-handed dude shows up. Jeez.

If YOU be my bodyguard, I can be your long-lost pal. Here's where it gets weird. I'll call you Betty. You can call me Al. Then we screw.

Dance like no one's watching. With binoculars. From across the street. In my van.

If I owned a China Shop, I would have a strict "No Bull" policy. Both literally AND when it comes to my low low, serious as fuck, prices.

It takes two to Tango AND Cash. I get to be Kurt Russell this time.

Come with me if you want to live. Live with me if you want to come.

You’re so vain, you probably think this flaming effigy I constructed on your front lawn is about you.

Jesus came to me once in a dream. Wait, No, correction. Not TO me. …ON me.

For the next half hour, I'll be dancing naked in front of my open blinds AND handing out free Rolexes. So come on by, if you wanna watch.