Kevinpalooza

It's not 'show friends', it's 'show BUSINESS'... it's also not my birthday Officer, so I don’t know why you’re wearing that party hat & shoving birthday cake in my face while we’re on the side of the road here.

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There's no way I'm viewing this, cat.

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My name is Scott Aukerman & I like to say bad words where the entire world can hear me like I'm suddenly some kind of big shot. There, was that enough mom?!

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Apple's coming out with an iWatch? Haha right, next you'll tell me that all 4 of my grandparents are related to each other & THAT'S the reason why I'm one of the top ranked hemophiliacs in the country.

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I dare you.

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If Mr. Phipps Pretzel Chips never existed then what the hell is all this non-figurative blood doing on my hands? I think I murdered papa. Sad face, followed by sly wink at imaginary camera. Press play on cassette player: the Mr. Phipps jingle plays as camera zooms out slowly for 20 minutes.

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I wanted to make a F. Murray Abraham, F. Marry Kill joke but I googled it & Ken Jennings made one on Twitter in 2012. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang.