ChaseRoper

once again, my wife is off for a special fun thing her work is hosting and because nobody on Earth will babysit for us, I'm home tonight. Just now that anyone posting about the cool thing you're doing tonight, I don't secretly hate you. I publicly hate you.

I really hope Will can lead the Nick #KCA's to a new all time high Slime Record. Finger's crossed!

It would appear that one of my kids has glued my desk pen to my notebook for April Fools' Day. . . I am so proud him/her.

Zimmerman's brother breaks silence on Piers Morgan. Says when they were little, a hoodie killed their mom.

I'm in the mood to take the family out for breakfast. But later. Like around lunch time.

I did it! I booked @moonfrye on the Stay at Home Dadcast for Autism Awareness Month! APRIL FOOLS, I've still failed at this. And most things

I just committed suicide. April Fools! I'm doing it later today.

My 5yo is pregnant! APRIL FOOLS! She's 4.

My 5yo is pregnant! APRIL FOOLS. She's 4.

Former Mrs. Draper is about to order the placenta.

Photo: Light It Up Blue Day! It’s World Autism Awareness Day. Add some blue to your internet presence... http://t.co/j7bIazxv

What is Autism? | Autism Awareness Month week 1, Stay at Home Dadcast: http://t.co/ZrqEp29i

Also, in the new Stay at Home Dadcast - Katie Anderson! (@improvperson) We talk about #autism http://t.co/axvp8qVD

UTI: New York #LadySitcoms

Congrats! RT @earwolf: Had a baby today! Arden Anne Ullrich to host The Babycast for a very under-served demo soon! Very excited!

"You make my dick a 10 on the Mohs Hardness Scale." - guy with a mineralogical fetish.

Listening to @JudahWorldChamp on You Had to Be There w/ @NikkiGlaser, @saraschaefer1. Get this guy his own Food Network show.

Photo: Spring Break is next week? What!? NOOOO!!!! http://t.co/g7CJ8Ynu

4YO: Daddy, are you a boy or a man? ME: Ask Mommy. WAIT! Man.

Rules, by Cynthia Lord | great book about siblings and #autism: http://t.co/M5U1iArX

I never ask for much. What do you say we get me up to 3k followers? I feel entitled! RT if this is annoying.

6YO's teacher still impressed at how he absorbs her lessons. Yeah. Also impressive - how many times he drops the F bomb before breakfast.

If Kurt Cobain hadn't turned that gun on himself when he did, this surely would have driven him to it. http://t.co/L5C07TFB

Twitter is hiding my @ replies. How am I supposed to know about all the awesome gift card opportunities out there!? DM me.

My 7yo just misbehaved to the point where I came *this* close to telling him there isn't an Easter Bunny.