ChaseRoper

Had to re post that last w/ corrected hash tag. Sorry, I'M HUMAN.

The show on TLC right now is wildly inappropriate for my 7yo.

getting ready to take the kids to the playground. Going to try to enjoy this gorgeous day. I'll back to unwarranted pessimism tomorrow!

Marriage tip: It's good to tell your wife that she is much thinner than her sister. #13YearsExperience

TV Pitch: Foreclosure Wars. Watch a rag tag group of entrepreneurs try to out bid each other on recent evacuated homes!

I just realized that I don't have take the biggest bite possible when I eat my food. I'm 32 years old.

I gave @pbsparents +K about Parenting on @klout http://t.co/2AalMDxi

Vaccines don't cause Autism - Do They? http://t.co/vz9DKGFB

Everybody listen to this. RT: @saraschaefer1 New podcast ep is now live! The super funny @mshowalter joins us for some real talk.

My son asked me last night, "What is the opposite of 'table'?" I'm still thinking about it. Ideas?

"Stick your finger in there and tell me how you like it." - @Paula_Deen to her husband on my TV just now.

"My dad's famous for saying the word 'yes' wrong." - Dave Hester's kids. cc: @davethemogul

Drink hand sanitizer? RT @janiehaddad: Anyone know where I can score some whippets at this hour? I'm chasin' the dragon over here.

This Just In: Justin Bieber pens song about false paternity claims. ♫It’s not my Baby, Baby, Baby, Ooooohh♫

You can help The Stay at Home Dadcast afford new equipment by getting a free audio book? Why wouldn't you do that!? http://t.co/bpRTExW5

Anybody know how to set Google Alerts? RT: @toddbarry I'm starting a new trending topic at 2:45 PM EST.

I live in the sort of area that empowers me to say confidently that I am the top Twitter user in my city.

Maron keeps pronouncing "Kaufman" weird. Have I been saying it weird all this time?

After I let my daughter paint my nails, I’m going to workout to Cunch: Cardio Salsa on Netflix Instant. So that’s how my day is going.

The War on Women has recruited our phones! RT: @SarahThyre My phone just autocorrected "gyno exam" to "gunk exam"

Here's video of that happening. http://t.co/5ggakI9H

Was just trapped on my bed next to my sleeping wife w/ no remote. Forced to watch Couples Therapy. Just escaped. Feeling lost, confused.

Re: itunes reviews. ME: See? People enjoy listening to me talk for several minutes at a time. WIFE: Those people aren't married to you.

When you want to agree with someone, a simple "Yes" or "Yeah" will suffice. Can we stop the triple "Yeah, Yeah, Yeah's"?

.@NancyGraceHLN I'm assuming you donate your salary to search efforts. Otherwise you're sort profiting off this missing child right?