ChaseRoper

I bet doctors would have an easier time getting depressed patients to take mess if the pills were shakes like guns.

So. . . You mean milkshakes then? http://t.co/LzaISWdq

So @Kanyewest is singing Golddigger because of @KimKardashian, right?

Dear pharmacies, I'm asking if you can get me the good sudafed, for an actual cold. Not for my rolling meth lab. #MethylamineIsBetterAnyways

Had a fantastic date night with @misses roper!

Photo: Thanks for the excruciating food poisoning! I’ll be back in about NEVER EVER. (Taken with Instagram) http://t.co/mToI7ulY

Just said to my 8yo "you are a big boy, you can wipe your own butt." so, am I doing good or bad as a parent?

These kids tried to steal one of my kids' bikes. BUSTED. http://t.co/yvTm7hVS

New ep of The Stay Home Dadcast - What type of pet is right for your family? http://t.co/3FkkNgUY (cc: @TotallyLaime)

Looking forward to my chat with @AndyKindler later this morning. Probably should have mentioned what my podcast was about.

Running - Ben and Jerry's = my face is getting skinnier #HealthyMath http://t.co/1F7cn2py

Can the new iPhone do THIS? I didn't think so http://t.co/l0xUxuFO

I just ousted @juss10 as the mayor of Chehalis Western Trail on @foursquare! http://t.co/wnuEBzRQ

Almost 100 likes on the Facebook page. Does this mean anything? Press like and pass it on? http://t.co/4PyQ1Jdm

It's the iCarly when @jerrytrainor makes the gang a spodie. http://t.co/XtdM1MBM

I didn't think it was possible for my wife to become even hotter than she already was but I'll be damned if she isn't pulling it off anyways! Lucky and in love

Am I going to regret downloading both Fifty Shades of Grey AND Magic Mike for my wife today?

Check out friend of the show @johnrossbowie on today's @TotallyLaime! (hopeful future friends of the show!)

“@ATT: Texting & driving - finally put the habit to rest by replying or retweeting w/ "I pledge" ” txting & drving is easy. Doing it ri

I'm probably more proud of the fact that I'll always be able to pick up a guitar and play Misirlou than I should be.

I gave @amyschumer +K about Abortion on @klout.

Crockpot Pumpkin Spice Lattes : perfect for a large fall gathering - open house, trick or treating p http://t.co/gON6o3iX

I WANT TO SEE "THE MASTER."

“@PFTompkins: Be sure to stay through the credits of "The Master" to see Nick Fury recruit people for the Sea Org!” <- love this!

Wow, my dumb autism tumblr post/tweet got way more critique and attention than warranted. Calm down everyone.