ChaseRoper

I just google "vegan eat their own poop." I should get off the internet now.

My 4yo daughter is singing ♫Girls have a vagina / Boys have peanuts!♫ you know, just celebrating differences I guess.

Chili Palmer has to work for that other mob guy now. #NoMomo

Kids can be the most amazing things in your life but they can also steal and lie and totally ruin your afternoon.

I love a nice a bindle and good can of beans. #noHobo

I hope "closet time" is mentioned! @parenting "Help! My kid is so bossy!" Here's what to do:

Just downloaded The 4 Hour Body. Let you know in 4 hours. . .

About to play dollhouse with my 4yo. Thinking the story line today will include a love affair between Buzz Lightyear and Ms. Potts.

Early estimates indicate today will be a 1-2 pot of coffee day.

Falling more and more in love

4 Snows days is the 8th circle of hell. Plus a chat with Eli Braden! http://t.co/VY7zzDUx

Sweet Baby rays BBQ sauce with a spoonful of homemade raspberry jam and a few dashes of red pepper sauce is going on my burger. NOM NOM NOM

Please watch John Mulaney's (@mulaney) 1hr stand-up special tonight at 10/9c on Comedy Central http://t.co/GkCtX4pH

I'm hunting down Liquid Television on YouTube. Be prepared. . .

I don't know how to answer this! @JuliaEveHays , @CarolineEAnd ) http://t.co/5Lv3BvQV

Death is looming. Enjoy it! RT @morgan_murphy what he said. RT @warrenellis: @pattonoswalt It's your birthday? Have a great one, mate.

My kids have half day of school today. Repost this if know how much dread this puts in a parent's heart.

Anyone know if the debate is available in 3D anywhere?

Decided to give both my boys hair cuts right before school. I guess because I hate myself?

I just made an awesome huge salad that I am super excited to eat. I don't think this overly optimistic status update is doing a very good job convincing me.

all my friends are dead. http://t.co/2jEfxejL

Mario Lopez and Luigi Mario Lopez are my favorite Mario Bros.

My power went out again yesterday afternoon. It turned back on around 2am and woke up the kids. Seriously, I hate weather.

Heating up a cup of coffee and about to call @EliBraden.

The forum redesign @Earwolf is super.