ChaseRoper

#FF @maggieserota because she was born a certain number of years ago. DON'T GET INTO IT.

#ff these folks who on right now: @BeTheBoy @amyschumer @elibraden @debenham and @tabgirl

#ff this w/ your ears! RT @TotallyLaime: Super fun new ep up w/smarty-funny-pretty pants @KateSpencer! Check it: http://t.co/NJE4BPtG

#howto make hot cocoa the least cost effective. http://t.co/O3cKw9LEkW

#OzTip Eat Ben & Jerry's at 11pm to mask the sadness inside.

. @dantelfer wrote this amazing spec script for House, M.D. Easily the most accurate House spec ever attempted. http://t.co/hOxbHB8S

. @EliBraden "Hey, I never said any of that stuff on Wikiquotes." - Sir George Anonymous

. @missesroper said just now at the fair "Why are people fucking stupid and then have babies?"

. @WillFerrel's favorite coffee is the @starbucks Caramel Robert Goulet Latte.

.@Askagreatdad it's not just a concert. She watches her videos on YouTube! She even put feathers in her hair! She LOVES @keshasuxxx!

.@BookShout @drgarychapman @chrisfabry I can't wait for their follow up - "How the Gays Stole Christmas."

.@Buff_Wizard pharm tech didn't know if they had enough on hand but computer was down. I suggested she go to the bottle and COUNT THEM.

.@eddiepepitone just showed up on House. This bad day is turning around.

.@everytweet_ever I'm going to put an exclamation mark at the end of this very sad tweet to make it seem less depressing!

.@lisctqx97 @musicextras just put a dress on a punching bag and let @chrisbrown go to town. You can have that slogan too. #teambreezy

.@MC3Monti Just microwaved hot dogs for my kids' dinner. How do I get on Master Chef?

.@NancyGraceHLN I'm assuming you donate your salary to search efforts. Otherwise you're sort profiting off this missing child right?

.@Paula_Deen pretty poor over here. Probs going with a soup for Sunday dinner. Either fish head or old shoe.

.@rachael_ray I just ate some nettles I found outside. Now my mouth is in agony.

.@RobDelaney is my fav for Best Twitter in #ComedyAwards. Other nominees don't even come close. http://t.co/RMcmB96k

.@Theresacaputo why aren't you in this episode of Bull Shit? http://t.co/MOWXtBOH

"@laughspincom Semen Lynch #masturbatingcomedians" // Did Brendan take over the acct again?

"Arrested!? My son told me I could just clear the browser history and nobody would know!" - Fred Willard not understanding computers