ChaseRoper

This seems too soon, but Jason Russell released an updated video. Check it out. -- http://t.co/Ok9eMwK9

Hey! I'm featured on the @StitcherRadio Welcomes page! Go download the app and check it out!

Photo: mattbraunger: One of these kids grew up to steal away Rebecca Romijn from John Stamos. Clue: it’s the... http://t.co/n94R58En

AGREED RT: @EliBraden One of the 5 funniest women on Twitter #FF RT @StephanieClient: "I'm not really comfortable with the C-word."- Cunts

How do I explain to my daughter that my mom is bat shit crazy?

Wait, Super Nerd is NOT one of my options? http://t.co/1Ery2gBE

"Time for me to get obsessed and start fucking with things that I don't understand." - @marcmaron / this will be my morning mantra.

"Parents should hold kids accountable for cleaning their own rooms!" - I think to myself as I defeatedly clean their room and hate myself.

"This is against my beliefs!" - new favorite thing to yell during sex. Thanks to @SexNerdSandra's awesome podcast.

Happy Alt + 210 day.

GOP, the best you guys will be able to come up with is Mitt Romney and he hasn't even won over your entire party. Face it, you're getting another term with President Obama. Let's at least make it productive and not all "let's get this birth control issue resolved and stop all gay people from doing anything." If women keep using birth control and keep exercising their own choices over their reproductive systems and gay people keep getting married, our country will be just fine.

Only line open at the grocery store right now is self check out. I've realized now there is no hope for human kind.

When my dog barks @ 3am I assume it's saying "I want to commit suicide! But lack the capacity! PLEASE ASSIST ME!" and I want to help SO BAD.

If you are an actor, writer, or have endeavors, this is the work out video for you!: http://t.co/aVzHvAOA

You and my wife both. RT @NikkiGlaser: I was into Zac Efron wayyy before I confirmed it was legal.

How come my high school guidance counselor never mentioned Homeless Hospots?

Yeah, hit me up on my geo cities site? RT @daveanthony: You guys wanna start a blog?

"Nice job mixin that spoonful of bacon fat into those ground turkey burgers, ya'll." - Paula Deen if she were in my kitchen right now.

I wish @DustinMartian offered to take me to a punk show when my grandma died. #EntertainmentWeeklyRockCBBUhHuhUhHuhYeahILikeIt

My power went out at 8:15 this morning and just came back. Still windy, lights still flickering. Probably going out again. Which is dumb.

Pretty sure that A Day in the Life of Marc Maron is my favorite on Hulu ever. http://t.co/ej58fe63

How have I not written like 50 Lifetime Network movies by now?

Muy con pollo! RT @EmmaKat: Finally got to meet @kristenschaaled in person, and she even taught me some Spanish! #sxsw

My checks keep writing "stop using me" on themselves.

Not Another Teen Movie is on. Everyone who isn't Captain America can sleep easy. You'll get a residual check!