ChaseRoper

"Once a little boy sent me a charming card with a little drawing on it. I loved it. I answer all my..." http://t.co/u3IO1Nv3

"Parents should hold kids accountable for cleaning their own rooms!" - I think to myself as I defeatedly clean their room and hate myself.

"people are idiots." - House RT @TeamDoJoe "@jjauthor: Today is a great day to annoy a Liberal. Work hard. Succeed. Be happy."@seanhannity

"Sp you're living paycheck to paycheck. Guess what, me too." - Montel Williams

"Stick your finger in there and tell me how you like it." - @Paula_Deen to her husband on my TV just now.

"there's too many races to hate. Let's just hate everyone who wears hoodies." - The KKK just before they kill themselves. <-- ideal world.

"This is against my beliefs!" - new favorite thing to yell during sex. Thanks to @SexNerdSandra's awesome podcast.

"Those 20 people didn't have what it takes but I can UNLEASH THE POWER WITHIN!" - 21st Person to get injured on Tony Robbins' fire walk.

"Time for me to get obsessed and start fucking with things that I don't understand." - @marcmaron / this will be my morning mantra.

"waaahhh!" - Aaron Rodgers

"we love you! DONT HIT US!" - girls everywhere. RT @chrisbrown: I'm on 106 tomorrow! Dropping off a new video!!!! Love you teambreezy!

"Whitney Houston passed away. Did you read this? Did you hear about this?" - Jay Leno talking about Whitney Houston passing away.

"You all want me but I'm too fast and always out of reach and eventually I will kill every last one if you!" - Time. Boy, Time is a dick.

"You make my dick a 10 on the Mohs Hardness Scale." - guy with a mineralogical fetish.

"You won't like me when I miss Judge Wapner." - Autistic Bruce Banner

“@amazing_dad: Texas mom gets 99 years for gluing toddler to wall, beating her http://t.co/Vps2s1pd” WHAT KIND OF GLUE

“@ATT: Texting & driving - finally put the habit to rest by replying or retweeting w/ "I pledge" ” txting & drving is easy. Doing it ri

“@chrisbrown: #CarpeDiem Dublin http://t.co/fP3RW3qT” notice how the 1 lady dancer is WAY in the back, out of fists reach? #teambreezy

“@chrisbrown: God, give me the strength, wisdom and courage!!! Amen!” or an embolism. #teambreezy

“@davethemogul: Where do you watch #StorageWars from? Post your city, state or country with a #YUUUP!” A self dug shallow grave. #pills

“@DrOz: How many of you have under-eye circles? Here is the best way to get rid of them: http://t.co/MbZ9Z5Ei” Suicide?

“@DrOz: What are you eating today that is #OzApproved? Send me a picture!” This good? http://t.co/fNrbSjcnE1

“@eccalkins: @ChaseRoper I've seriously considered melting down candy corn and drinking it. . .” You disgust me.

“@KevinCease: diarrhea” #candyheartrejects

“@marriagetoday: Marriage seminars are good. Private marriage seminars are better. ” zero marriage seminars are the best!