ChaseRoper

Good night everyone! And other forced enduring statements sent out in effort to get empty @ replies! (cc: @everytweet_ever)

the bed we bought from a friend moving out of state a few weeks ago is only full size bed. We were told it was an almost new queen set. Got rid of the old bed first and now we have a bed that is very used and *just* big enough for us. Whenever the kids wake me up at night I end up sleeping on the couch because the bed is dang loud it will wake my wife up. I have a pinched nerve or something from the couch in my neck and I'm tired and hate every thing and everybody. . . I need more coffee.

Great, now hipsters are going to start using it. RT: @MattBesser "Maybe you should try decaf?" joke - R.I.P.

The cartoon girl? RT: @EliBraden I'd like to 'Stowe' my wiener between Madeline's flesh pillows for an hour or two if you know what I mean!

I will get one now! @thomaslennon Screenwriters! @finaldraftinc reader for iPad. It's alive: http://t.co/7fws4lB8

Am I to believe that everyone I follow here watches Downtown Abbey UNironically? Boy, Mad Men really needs to come back.

♫ My Little Pony ♫ ate macaroni ♫ went to the circus ♫ FARTED ON PURPOSE ♫ - a song my kids just sang.

Will I ever reach my dream of affording some new recording equipment? Only time will tell. Time and your $1. - http://t.co/manUufP6

My house was chosen to be a Nielsen family! @ScottAukerman, will there be a way I could watch Comedy Bang Bang several times all at once?

I know a certain Lincoln Town Car that wants to get set on fire and then buried in a hole in the desert.

Just Kidding Rowling is one of my favorite contemporary fiction writers.

If I stay up, the kids are fine but go back to bed and they start fighting. I have the world's most frustrating super power.

Guess which Lonely Island song I just got to listen to.

wasn't that Cujo? “@robdelaney: I hope they put to sleep that mean dog who told the Son of Sam to kill all those people.”

Working on a script for a new "discovered footage" movie. Kids in the future find today's "discovered footage" films and kill themselves.

I am going to invite @harto to be a guest on The Stay at Home Dadcast until it happens. or until I get a court order to stop. #Dreams

If you're in Chicago, WATCH OUT! It's raining TV's! http://t.co/yZh0Rg4a

"Call Me Maybe" - Maebe Funke

Bummed it isn't about a town filled w/ Mt. Lions. @CougarTownInfos it's NOT about cougars, it's a very funny & silly ensemble. . .

Presidents Day means all my kids stay home with me but my wife still goes off to work. Thanks a lot presidents.

Sahdcast fundraiser, 9 days left http://t.co/8eKV8r33

Officially starting my morning. http://t.co/I89H4qlZ

Being on Motrin, Sudafed and coffee is like being on cocaine! I'm assuming. I'm ready to conquer the world! Without sniffling!

. @dantelfer wrote this amazing spec script for House, M.D. Easily the most accurate House spec ever attempted. http://t.co/hOxbHB8S

On the weekends I feel like myself and @lizzwinstead are the only people in the world awake this early.