ChaseRoper

Goldilocks was an entitled spoiled little brat who should have been eaten by those bears.

Don't worry guys, I warned Zuck about the hoodie situation. http://t.co/QHjP78dp

Photo: liezlwashere: There are some adults I know who should give up Tumblr in favor of books too. http://t.co/MOXSjd95

I have had to click through 4 different "Contact Us" sub-domains so far in my search to find Verizon's phone number. #annoyed

Just ordered a red bill Italian sodA instead of coffee. What's happening to me?!

Video: dustinmartian: This was just too awesome not to share. http://t.co/jc2LRzYs

"there's too many races to hate. Let's just hate everyone who wears hoodies." - The KKK just before they kill themselves. <-- ideal world.

In other news: James Cameron traveled to the bottom of Kim Kardashian's vaginal canal.

.@RobDelaney is my fav for Best Twitter in #ComedyAwards. Other nominees don't even come close. http://t.co/RMcmB96k

Photo: andreastreeter: Excuse me, that’s LORD Andrew Loyd Webber. http://t.co/vx7Cf7RL

I hung up on my mom the other day. It's ok, she's nuts. - http://t.co/YAKDcDDz

Photo: capricecrane: This Just In: I found out who’s behind the production of these poisonous snacks! http://t.co/rqpKL3cM

Kids asked me to find Angry Birds Dubstep for my next podcast episode. . . good call!

Looking to book some guests for the Stay at Home Dadcast to talk about Autism in April for Autism Awareness Month. Interested? Let me know!

Looking to book some guests on the Stay at Home Dadcast to talk about #Autism for #AutismAwarenessMonth. Interested? @ Me!

I have a eraser | a story by my 6yo with Austism. http://t.co/GXThVQEV

I just made my kids' dinner by playing Chopped: Home Edition

If @MichaelC4Real turns out to be fake, well, I'll just unfollow. Sorry if I led you to believe I'd do something more dramatic than that.

Episode 19 - Handy Work with Guest Kyle Sigman http://t.co/eI5CiYAh

I love that #TeamFollowBack (@teamwepromo) is following zero users. You guys are going to win at twitter!

New Stay at Home Dadcast is out today. http://t.co/MFPhJfmR #sahd #parenting

Happy birthday to @BillCorbett! He's made me laugh from my immature adolescent years to my immature adult years!

I'm trying hopelessly to book @moonfrye on The Stay at Home Dadcast for Autism Awareness Month. Any of you have an "in"?

My wife's office is walking for March of Dimes to help little babies! Please make a pledge or RT! (no favs!) http://t.co/FbBJvgUb

I feel like @meganamram would approve of my new very serious internet service. http://t.co/rAxDkwv6