Henry

I know it's all fun and goofs, but I'll never put my blessings on a "suck it, Chanson" post. I live too close to that guy, and he's bigger than me.

I should also add that I cut out as much of Tom as I could because he mispronounced your name when you got the pro version

Hi, Silvrwoman, sorry for the shortness of the video, but I obviously don't have enough time on my hands to make it longer. Also, I enjoy your forum posts and you should do more of them!

Hey guys! I edited this down so anyone can quickly and easily relive the tale of Sean's telephone adventure. Why not give it a try?

I'm now imagining an open casket funeral for HH and an entire room full of sobbing mistresses causing a scene.... and I'm one of them

I sure hope he finally gets that free kite!

Great popcorn gallery picks! My submission was a dumb name based question which was an idea they made fun of earlier in the episode so that counts as being mentioned on the show too, right? Like, maybe half a point? Jk, good questions souprman, jefferyparties, megancopies, nohorseman, and chicknsandwich!

All I can say is definitely don't show someone a picture of penguins "swimming"

Jen D'Angelo, do you remember that album by that guy who has your last name as his singing person name? My sister owned it, and I let my friend borrow it. When he returned it, long after I asked for it back, it had the word "diva" written on it in red permanent ink. He explained that someone had asked how to spell that word and the CD was the only thing he could find to write on. Does that story seem believable or was he just doing a bit? Also, what is that bit and why should I have thought it was funny? Thanks!

Come on, Judy. Relax and enjoy your lunch (Only 90s kids will get this reference)

I'm sorry you're having trouble placing your order for our high quality comedy entertainment products. Please feel free to call back, and we'll give you the first 3 minutes of trying to place your order free! Be assured, George is a beautiful woman, and she just has a tendency to care about our customers. That's something our competitors can't guarantee. Call now! Anyone calling to order in the next 30 minutes will receive a free DVD full of your favorite Flowbee commercials!

Clowns are and have been the most hilarious performers of comedy for thousands of years. Who could forget the classic "my nose honks" bit? Or the "smell this flower. Oops, now your face is all wet!" bit? Call now you'll receive all these bits and more on 5 compact discs! I don't know what I'm doing, I just wanted to post something

It is true that we have definitely created an alternate universe with this bit. I've been through this whole thing before, and the paperwork to register this new universe is going to be a headache. It'll be worth it, though. Earwolf forum fictional drama posts are a competitive market, and we'll have a good fresh twist to explore this fascinatingly mysterious character who is also cool.

(Henry sheepishly opens the door to the Hollywood Handbook forum, "hey guys, things weren't really working out in Minnesota. I mean, if I wanted a soda I'd order a large..." This ill thought out joke receives no reaction at all. Henry breathes a sigh of relief and gives a soft chuckle. He goes to his forum post writing office and closes the door. The black letters on the obscured glass in the door still read "Hebry". Finally it is a new week and this bit can die. "Heh, what a week." He says as he begins digging through his desk drawer. After finally finding his favorite pair of sunglasses, he puts them on, kicks his feet up onto his desk, and says "I could get used to this."...... Then a cold chill runs down his spine as he hears the faint sound of what could only be a standing ovation.) The End.....? Yes it is, even I'm getting tired of this. Anyway, glad to see a good looking episode is hastily on it's way to all us good girls and boys!

("..um... that's the way the cookie crumbles." Henry says with a pained look on his face. The sound of laughter arrives, giving Henry a sick feeling in his stomach. Fabio had just dropped a cookie sheet with freshed baked cookies on it because he'd forgot to put on oven mitts. "What a crumby accident." Fabio says. Henry's face contorts into a look of sad annoyance as laughter fills the room. As much as he has grown to hate this, he somehow knows that it's important to try to keep it going. "Yeah, um..... that was really kooky of you? I don't know." The sound of laughter blows through the room like a strong wind. Henry gives a confused look and a shrug that seems to say "What, really? That barely made sense." By this time he's come to remember that Mekhi Phifer was the one who put him here, and instead of letting a fun twist ending happen, Henry decided to drag the bit out. He hangs his head down and softly whispers "I've done this to myself." A consoling "Awwww" follows in response, and makes Henry's stomach churn.)

Love ya, norm!

Don't wanna brag, but I've seen Tom Waits live twice and they were experiences of mythical proportions. He's a unicorn among men.

I was very tempted to not like that last one as a joke, but I just couldn't do it. Big ups to you putsome!

(Souprman and Fabio exchange an impressive volley of humorous one liners, when suddenly souprman's eyes widen with a look of startled realization. "Oh, no!" he says "I just remembered, I have a hot spicy number waiting for me at home!" Fabio gives souprman a sly grin and raises and lowers his eyebrows suggestively. "Oh? A date, huh?" he asks. "Nah, I got a pot of cioppino cooking of the stove." Immediately after this, one of souprman's classic soup based jokes, a thunderous explosion of laughter erupts seemingly on que. Henry peers out the open door, but the Minnesota tundra is empty and quiet as always. "Well, I better make like a pea and split!" Souprman says as he does a semblance of the moonwalk out the door. The uproar is even louder and longer this time, and seems to come from both everywhere and nowhere. The solid wooden door shuts with a heavy thud, a noise that echoes throughout the house. The silence that follows acts as a cold reminder of the tragic accident that just occurred with Henry's vase, priceless in both monetary and sentimental value. Henry gets down to pick up the shattered remains. "Well, them's the breaks." Fabio says, and the sound of laughter sneaks in again to follow the insensitive pun. Henry starts to wonder why he agreed to live here in the first place. Wait..... did he even agree? He thinks back, and the last thing he remembers is walking out of the Hollywood Handbook forum into the night. Someone, or some thing brought him here! His skin grows cold as he comes to the realization that there is possibly one with powers that exceed his own, and has used them to control him beyond his will. "Oh sweet, dude!" Fabio exclaims. "I didn't know you were into swords!" Henry looks over at him confused. "I'm not." he replies. He sees that Fabio has set down his fishing gear, and is now holding the sword Henry wrestled away from Blackbeard out at sea on that fateful day 300 years ago. Another priceless and important treasure from days long past. "Oh, can I have it then?" Fabio asks. "Sure." Henry answers defeatedly. "Winning!" Fabio says a la Charlie Sheen from that meme a long time ago. Henry hears laughter again.)

Epilogue: Can you believe it, Fabio? This all started with me apologizing because I was worried I'd said something rude, and now I'm here in Minnesota and we're living as a couple of mismatched roommates. You, a young mortal human who enjoys fishing with Gollstone, and me an ancient shape shifting being from beyond your realm. Heh heh, kind of sounds like a sitcom when you think about it. (Henry watches as Fabio struggles to carry a comical amount of fishing gear through the ornately decorated hallway. As he passes through, one of rods, of which he is carrying an unnecessary number of, catches a beautiful antique vase. The vase seems to fall in slow motion as it tumbles to the floor, shattering into as many pieces as Henry's heart. That vase was given to him by Cleopatra after the two of them had a lurid tryst in Paris one unforgettable weekend many lifetimes ago. The room falls silent as Fabio stops suddenly and observes the destruction he's caused. He slowly turns to look directly into the camera, shrugs, and delivers his famous catchphrase: "whatchagonnadoo?". Somewhere far off the sound of people laughing is heard as Henry stands with his arms crossed, shaking his head with an exaggerated look of disapproval on his face. Just then the dark stained mahogany front door is thrown open and a next door neighbor walks in announcing that he heard the commotion and has come to see what the trouble is. Even though this is an obscene invasion of privacy, the sound of cheering is heard from off in the distance, seeming to approve of this man's presence. Music now fills the room. It's of an uplifting nature and the simple lyrics seem to loosely describe Henry's new living situation.)

Those really are the most efficient comments if you compare the effort to like ratios. They also make me LOL so good thinking back to my favorite parts of the episode I just heard XD (Update: I was playing along with the "curmudgeon" stuff, and after sleeping on it, my comment comes off as too sarcastically snarky and mean for my tastes. Sorry, keep up the positivity!)

Just to clarify, it's just the weird bit that's leaving. You can't get rid of me

(The forum is once again at peace. Henry purchased new lightbulbs for the ones he blew out in that funny party trick he learned in college. That magical locket now sits on the mantle, open for all to gaze at while they cozy up by the fireplace listening to their late night Hollywood Handbook radio shows. What of that other stuff about Henry's past? Being sustained by crows at sea, and possibly being immortal and having no parents and no definable origin? And has Hebry reverted back to Henry? Yes, it's all true, but frankly, all that weird interesting stuff is none of your business. Henry takes a minute to give one last look at the forum before he shuts off the light and walks out the door into the night, never to be heard from again.)

Gasp! I apologize for yelling at you Dan, I don't know what came over me

Ugh... where am I? I don't remember anything... Let me check the previous pages