Lando

It already exists and is called Kazaam.

This just gave me a revelation that this film might be more autobiographical to Shaq than we realize. Hear me out, Shaq's father dipped when he was really young and he was raised by a step-father who stepped up to provide a positive role model for Shaq. It's all detailed in his rap "Biological Didn't Bother" Yo, yo, I want to dedicated this song to Philip Arthur Harrison Word up, 'cause he was the one who took me from a boy to a man So as far as I'm concerned, he's my father 'Cause my biological didn't bother Biological father, left me in the cold, when a few months old Aa father's child was greater than gold but I guess not You brought me into the world but you're not my dad Mess around with those drugs makes my moms mad So we left you with no remorsal pity, took the first bus From York to Jersey City, women and child alone Noww that's pressure, mom's got to go to work, drop me off By Obesa momma, aunt DeDe, whoever aunt Falma, uncle Roy We stuck together, a year went by and I could walk y'all Moms got that good ol' job at city hall She probably didn't trust men anymore Until Philip Harrison walk though the door Went out a few times but what about Shaquille Mom's offered him a million dollar package deal She said, "You want me, you gotta take my son" Or else it's like a hot dog but without the bun Guess what he accepted, responsibility he never left it He kept it, he kept it he took me from a boy to a man So Phil is my father, 'cause my biological didn't bother He took me from a boy to a man So Phil is my father 'cause my biological didn't bother He took me from a boy to a man So Phil is my father 'cause my biological didn't bother He took me from a boy to a man So Phil is my father 'cause my biological didn't bother He took me from a boy to a man So Phil is my father 'cause my biological didn't bother January fifth, Phil made a promise, what's that? He joined the army, we moved to Fort Mamth He disciplined me right from the get go Age two bottle and my mom shaquille let go Actin' spoiled, rotten, trippin' Got a butt whippin' because I didn't listen Back then you see privates made no bucks Had to get another job driven trucks Workin' hard as hell didn't satisfy him Had to another job working at the gym He wasn't gone with the wind like Clark Gable Work all them jobs to put food on the table Phil's my father, daddy and that's the scoop Can I go to the gym with you and shoot some hoops Come on he, put me under his wing Was the ball boy for his little Arthur team Sometimes he even made me mad but it didn't matter 'Cause I still wanted to be like dad but a little bit better Encouraged me to stay in school and to get then good letters I wasn't a brainiac but I tried hard Got to watch the knicks, play if I had a good report card All types, all sorts, disobeyed my dad and I couldn't play sports I learned to dribble from right to left, I couldn't do a damn thang With all them F's, age fifteen father and son confrontation That's nothin' but father and son trials and tribulation Back then I could understand but I'm glad you did it 'Cause now I'm a man, he took me from a boy to a man So Phil is my father 'cause my biological didn't bother He took me from a boy to a man So Phil is my father 'cause my biological didn't bother Look at me now successful for sure Phil raised me well to be an entrepeneur And if your making big dope be materialistic 'Cause you'll end up another statistic Everything's going well following my dreams I dunked on Patrick Ewing, I won the ring like Hakeem Oh, what do you know? Biological one's on the Ricky Lake show What does he want, does he want money? What people do for money It's kinda funny to me, he ain't gettin' no check from me, check it He can go on all the talk shows he want phil is my dad So don't even front, he took me from a boy to a man So Phil is my father 'cause my biological didn't bother He took me from a boy to a man So Phil is my father 'cause my biological didn't bother

I have watched a total of 5 Kirk Cameron movies and a handful of his anti-evolution videos out of morbid curiosity. The Left Behind series was kind of boring and derivative, Fireproof wasn't terrible and I think came from a good place, but surviving Christmas was by far the worst.

When I pulled this image I saw "product of Canada" and that it was a "Neilson's" brand that I had never heard of I assume that they were trying to break into the US with a Shaq endorsement. I am only aware of the Mr. Big Bar and Shaq's endorsement because I remember seeing them (and buying) in a store where I grew up in MA. It's definitely a weird place to try to use Shaq's name since he was never on the Celtics, but the store was called Benny's and they always had a lot of weird brands (probably because they were cheap)

Added, also added I'm surprised there isn't a Steel rap.

Starsky gave us Kazaam, but Hutch gave us a weird scene in the crazy film Filth http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xx--1rBJFRo

When Max was wishing for the car, did anyone else think it was going to be a setup for a joke where Kazaam, having been out of the loop for hundreds of years, was going to give Max a black jaguar? Also, Max made that wish. Kazaam wasn't able to grant it in the moment but he made it. Kazaam doesn't have the obligation to deliver on it?

Among Max's massive pile of junk food is Shaq's own candy bar the Mr. Big Bar (It's also the first thing that Max just so happens to eat from his stash): Same font:

I don't think Max's bully situation was ever resolved. They stole the tape, and told Max that he had to demand a million dollars from his dad or else the bullying would get worse. However Max had Kazaam recover the tape with a wish, so there would be no reason for the bullies to ease up on Max. Basically at the end of this movie Max has resolved his issues with his real dad and is ok with his new step dad, but he is still getting beaten up at school.

Well this makes Paul's slip up of calling Shazam Marvel pretty minor:

Damnit, I had hoped to watch Kazaam before the episode dropped but no dice.

I think it's funny how much symbolism he ascribes to a book that he believes is not symbolic, but literal truth. To me, the one that made the least sense was his explanation of the Christmas trees. You said that you wouldn't be averse to watching the Left Behind series, well let me tell you those are a huge step up in every way possible from Surviving Christmas, the worst part about them is that they are cheesy and derivative. There are no scenes set in the 800s with a dubstep soundtrack.

oof. I just watched this and it was bad. I think I cringed the whole time through it, especially that dance scene at the end. Santa was a hero for beating the shit out of someone. How very...Christ-like of him? The best part about this movie is that it's short.

What's funny is that if the holiday special counted, Ackmena's song and Mala's wookie noises would eclipse this 84 seconds 10x over.

I am pretty sure that Lando seduced his way into Jabba's palace via Sy

What about Ackmena

Look at those clunky hands. I feel like that universe would have a lot of Twi'lek and Kaminoan fetishes.

This theme song is the mid-90s rap at its best:

TBH I'm kind of offended that your list is 10 humans and 1 low ranked wookie. It's a pretty human centric list bro. Branch out your species horizon. You don't think Nien Nunb or Admiral Ackbar wouldn't want some love? And what about the Droids?

When I saw that movie, I thought that the most enjoyable song was the one that was supposed to be bad. However singer songwriter folk has never really been my thing (I do enjoy traditional folk musics from around the world though) Edit: I really want JT to appear in Ep. 8 after rewatching this clip

I'll probably hate watch it too. I was also never a fan, I watched the first season and thought it was really bad and have been in disbelief at how well received it has been.

Every time I see this, I can't help but think that Korman has the look of a comedian that has committed to a bit that he knows isn't funny, but has no idea how to save it or bail.

Personally I think it looks bronze, which is a darker metal. But I think that is still much less of an issue than some of the quasi-racial-sterotyping-aliens that Lucas did in Phantom Menace. I think had Corman said "ya dig?" and done a stereotypical 70s African American impression in that character I think it would have been a problem.

Yeah, I didn't know it was controversial either. It's been added to my list of movies that I will turn to at any point and just watch. The scene where the Quaaludes kick in where he is on the phone with his lawyer kills me every time.