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Calamity Jon

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  1. Calamity Jon

    Episode 12.5 — Minisode 13

    Crank 3: Chev Chelios' heart is replaced by a tinier Chev Chelios, which must fight even tinier Chev Chelioses in his bloodstream in order to continue kicking people's heads through telephone phones -- or else he dies! Crank 4: Chev Chelios must travel back through time to impregnate his own grandmother and kick his own grandfather's sternum through a coffee table --- or else he dies! Crank 5: Chev Chelios' entire body is replaced with an array of bombs, and only his still-beating heart remains alive to kick a mobster's clavicle into the sun. He must find all his body parts and disarm the bombs -- or else he dies! Crank 6: Chev Chelios teams up with the Jim Henson Studios to bring you C Is For Crank! Chev Chelios kicks Cookie Monster's eyes into another dimension and must have a Malaysian knife fight with a flamboyantly homosexual Mister Sunffleupagus -- or else he dies! Crank 7: Chev Chelios' heart is --- filled with love for all mankind! Assembling a crack team of twelve disciples, Chev must kick the original sin of all mankind into Hell and sacrifice his mortal life -- or else he dies! Crank 8 (Cr8nk): Chev Chelios evolves into a being of pure light and fills every vibrating atom of every cubic micron of the universe in a quantum state of higher being, where he must disarm our booby-trapped Milky Way Galaxy and kick the Horsehead Nebula right in the nuts -- or else he dies!
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