Skeevins

I don't think that Bisco Boy on the phone was an actual person. Actual people open the door with a CREAK, they shut it with a SLAM, and then they sit down with a mighty SIT. In my experience, that's what real people do, over the phone or otherwise.

The themesong stuck in my head forever. And the car chase. And the boat chase. And Michael Crawford's extreme overacting.

Except for convincing an emotionally damaged woman that he loves her when he really doesn't. Which was what ultimately broke her heart. It would have happened regardless of the music box and regardless of Glinda, because he genuinely was not interested in her, and they were not involved in the slightest. The wizard also fell out of the sky and even shot "fireballs" at one point. If it wasn't gullible to assume Dorothy was a witch, how is it gullible to believe that someone who actually has some skill at pretending to be a wizard was a wizard? It's either both or nothing. In my opinion, they were both pretty gullible. The witch of the North was also clearly duped by the wizard's humbug magic in the books, since she is the one who sends Dorothy to find him in the first place. She even builds him up as someone who is not only skilled in magic, but someone who can grant wishes. That was also mentioned in "Oz the Great and Powerful;" but this excuse was kind of destroyed when Baum retconned things so that everyone in Oz is effectively immortal, and can't be killed anyway. We don't yet know that Ozma doesn't exist in the movie universe, but Glinda is clearly shown to be the ruler of the Quadlings in the movie as well. She's got her own kingdom to take care of in the bubble. The wicked witches absolutely were. The witch of the West especially. They were villains, and were frequently shown to be comical in their behavior (lest we forget, the 2nd Oz book included a scene where an army of suffragettes took over the Emerald City and the Tin Woodman scares them away with a mouse long enough for the heroes to escape). And along with the witch of the North, they were all duped by the wizard's tricks in the books. It's problematic from a feminist perspective, absolutely, but that much is not the movie's invention. Glinda is not portrayed to be extremely naive in the movies or the books, but her greatest problem is that she is not very proactive. Just to clarify how non-proactive she was in the Baum books- her most prized possession was the magical Book of Records. It told her everything that happened when it happened. So theoretically, she could have intervened at any point to prevent any number of calamities and misadventures- it just wasn't her style. She preferred to sit back and let other people handle things on their own. It is an unfortunate decision, for sure. But everything that you mention apart from the lechery is something that the Wizard actually did in the books. Baum wrote that the wizard overcame all of these more powerful women by trickery. And we know he doesn't grow as a person, because he does the same thing to Dorothy when she arrives there. He maintains his shtick until he is revealed as a fraud. The only thing that separates the books from the movies on that front is that Baum never intended for that information to be its own story. I agree that the movie invents a lot of sexist stuff all its own, but like I said, that has more to do with the way the Wizard treats women and the way they continuously fall all over him. That afore-mentioned lechery.

I think you're letting him off the hook for a number of things that were directly his fault. She was heartbroken because she thought she loved him and he didn't. That is exactly what happened, regardless of the music box. Oz really did ditch her without saying goodbye, and he did lead her to believe he was in love with her when he really wasn't. And yes, he was totally pursuing a romantic relationship with Glinda, so there was no misrepresentation there. Oz was exactly who the Witch of the East said he was. The Witch of the North, who is one half of the Glinda character here, assumed that Dorothy was a witch even faster than the Witch of the West assumed Oz was a wizard. And the Glinda from the books, while not as superstitious as her sisters, was very similar to the Glinda from the movies in that despite this fact, she never tried to free the Munchkins or the Winkies or the Emerald City by herself, preferring to let Dorothy handle it on her own. Baum did have a lot of strong female protagonists, but none of these witches were ever the protagonists of his books (even in "Glinda of Oz," Glinda was little more than a deus ex machina), and they shared a lot of the failings of their movie counterparts.

The witch of the West scarred her face by the tears the Wizard caused her to cry, so she was deformed well before the apple. The stuff with the wizard trumping the witches is kind of ingrained into the story anyway, though. No matter what angle the movie took, it would have involved three powerful women being duped by a male con artist, and that was Baum's original vision of events. The "prophesy" junk I think was actually an unsuccessful attempt to make the witches seem less stupid in comparison. If you didn't have that, it would have been three supremely powerful beings simply being chased away by card tricks and illusions. The reason why it was unsuccessful, however, is that it traded a little stupidity for a lot of superstition. And all their stupidity and superstition definitely carries over into the traditional Wizard of Oz story as we know it as well. All 3 of these characters are either easily dispatched or swayed by superstition when Dorothy gets there. They're also not doing much to actively improve their world or get rid of the Wizard, either. Not a lot of people know this, but not only is the original Witch of the West vulnerable to water...she is scared of the dark. Dorothy takes off the slippers to go to sleep, but the witch is too frightened of the dark to go and get them at that time. So while the Raimi movie is undeniably sexist, it's definitely in keeping with Baum's vision to portray the witches of Oz as lazy, superstitious, and gullible. What made the movie so problematic wasn't so much the prophesy as the way the Wizard treated women, and the way women treated him in return. Also, the idea that falling in love will turn a woman evil and possessive.

When you remember the events of the first movie, it really makes Franco's Oz the worst human being ever. Not only did he seduce and exploit what appeared to be a mildly autistic, emotionally damaged woman, but after causing her to be deformed and exiled, he sent someone to murder her in exile. Also, given how much the Munchkins helped out in the war for the emerald city, it seemed kind of callous to just allow the Witch of the East to take over Munchkinland and enslave the populace.

Based on likelihood to botch, it's gotta be Mildred.

Outside of Amarth whipping it out in front of Bart, what's the most romantic thing you've seen two players engage in?

I once knew a drag queen named Aquanetta Thunderpussy. When Sark does the voice, he kind of sounds like her. I nominate that name.

Kill the orc, slay the orc, destroy the orcs.

I never thought Bart would be my favorite character when the podcast started, but he's definitely getting there.

Surge!!

The full movie was on Netflix streaming. Love hearing him talk about hanging out with Britney Speares.

Adam West as Batman having way too much fun in an appearance with Jerry the King Lawler.

There's only one movie that can serve as a follow-up to Jaws. A battle between nature's two most deadliest creatures. An Orca whale and Dumbledore.

$2 rental on Amazon streaming. How about that, guys? http://www.amazon.com/Condorman/dp/B003V5G8K2

you silly old tart!

My favorite superhero movie as a kid, and criminally overlooked on "best superhero movie" lists everywhere.

I just looked for it on amazon. Holy crap, my DVD version is going for $130! Thank you, J.J. Abrams! (PS, will donate movie if requested)

If they had only listened to Brian and broke early, Karn would still be alive. This is what happens when people don't listen to Brian. People die.

What's the longest you've played with only one surviving party member?

I want June as my lawyer if I ever become a gun-crazy crackhead.

Wild Conjecture: Wilford Brimley will star in all the upcoming Star Wars spin-offs.

Look upon my works, ye sponsors, and despair!

"Heeeeey brooos! Put on your boots, bros!" Gerald, we hardly knew thee.