sillstaw

For a minute I thought, "Wait, how on earth are they going to do a sitcom most people have forgotten about?"

I recall watching this as a kid. I think it's like Sissy Spacek plays their first mom, their three replacement moms, and the gardener. Also, I hope you're sitting down when I tell you that the kids learn to appreciate their real mom and don't end up replacing her. I know, I just had to give away the surprise ending.

Wow. Just wow.

I think they'd be capable of making fun of the movie without mocking his tragic life story.

Reportedly, Lennon and Garant aren't happy with the movie; they say the studio messed it up. Not that there's much chance of them coming in to elaborate...

You could buy the RiffTrax if you don't mind seeing it with commentary.

What does it say that the porn star might be the best actor in the bunch?

I'm just astonished this wasn't from the Asylum. Although I think even the Asylum wouldn't want people to know that they were involved in a movie's production.

I knew, but wondered if anyone else would know.

Maybe in the sequel.

It's happening without the original directors, which means it won't have the same creative integrity as HAHAHAHA I can't finish that without laughing.

Paul Schrader's Facebook post about the movie.

It's a bad sign when even Nicolas Cage is saying that a movie of his should've turned out better. Still, I felt like their T-shirts needed a little enhancement...

You know, I would say, "Come on, Paul Schrader's directing it, give it a chance." But seeing as how it's been reported that the producers have recut it, I'll allow it.

One of the frustrating things about when people talk about this movie is how everybody treats the twist that Paul Walker is actually an undercover cop, something that is only revealed in the last ten or fifteen minutes of the movie, like it's something people know walking into the movie. It's kind of frustrating to me when people just casually spoil it. I'm aware his best-known role is as a cop going undercover with criminals (at least in the first movie; I'm not at all familiar with the canon of the "Fast and Furious" movies), and I'm aware it's not a twist on par with an Agatha Christie novel, but come on, people.

I recall watching this quite a bit as a kid, but damn if I could tell you anything about it other than "Chevy Chase was in it and there was some sort of weird hybrid of Boy Scouts and Native American something-or-other campouts." The only thing I can recall about the plot of the other "Man of the House" is that it's basically Tommy Lee Jones protecting a sorority, or a house of cheerleaders, or something--basically a house full of young, pretty women. It seemed like an excuse for Tommy Lee Jones to be paid for being surrounded by pretty girls. I mainly recall that it was a flop around the same time "Diary of a Mad Black Woman" was turning into a surprise hit, mystifying box office analysts; Stephen King (in his Entertainment Weekly column) accurately pointed out that "Diary" was serving an audience that Hollywood usually ignored, while "Man of the House" looked like something people had seen a hundred times before.

Wrong.

I think this is it. While there are better black filmmakers out there (Spike Lee arguably being one not yet mentioned), Perry does movies that are quick and cheap*, as well as appealing to a fairly underserved market of moralistic Christian black audiences. These are the kinds of audiences who would denounce hip-hop for promoting unwholesome morals, and would likely do the same for films with criminal or at-best-morally-ambiguous protagonists. Granted, I'm just assuming this is the case, but it seems likely. * You know the saying, "fast, cheap and good--pick any two?" You can see which ones Perry picks out.

The depressing thing is that he's hardly the first to notice. RiffTrax has joked several times that movies based on cereal box mascots can't be far off. Also, my favorite comment on this movie so far is, "Hoping the live-action Tetris movie will be an Ang Lee period drama about an autistic man's life helping build the Great Wall of China."

I finally got curious about this quote from Satan, and it says, "Please do not take unbelievers to this movie." I'm sure the meaning they wanted people to take was, "This movie will show them the light!" But to me, it struck me as, "They will laugh and laugh," which is a surprising thing for Satan to say about a Christian message movie. Unless... no, he couldn't be involved... could he? I remember a story on NBC Nightly News about "Son of God," and how it was the first of a wave of Christian-themed movies coming out this year. I was highly amused by one of the details they mentioned, which was how it was opening in about 3,000 theaters. I'm sure that sounds like a lot to regular people, but if you follow new movies all that closely, you know that's actually a really common number for wide release movies (and, if anything, is actually pretty small). Upon hearing it, I got curious and looked at Box Office Mojo, and found that the "300" sequel was opening in even more theaters, which strangely didn't inspire news stories about how it was the first of a wave of movies involving evisceration. It reminds me of the bit on "30 Rock" where Kenneth says that, instead of choosing candidates, he just writes in "God" on his ballots (to which Jack responds that those are counted as Republican). If there's just one religious movie at the theater, I wonder if I could go up to the cashier and just say, "Give me that movie about God, doesn't matter what it's called," and get a ticket to it anyway without much fuss.

One of my favorite bad-movie reviewers, Foywonder, did a pretty big recap/review of the movie. Sadly, his site has been down for probably close to a year at the least, but he was kind enough to put one particularly insane action sequence on YouTube. Think of this as a six-minute trailer to rival "Cloud Atlas's" in epicness. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=koM5VIyipR0 As he put it in the description, "No doubt the biggest question you'll be asking yourself after viewing this clip - aside from wondering where you can get a copy of this gem - will be just what the heck was in that bedroom?"

I thought that was in "Rush Hour 2." Wasn't "Rush Hour 3" the one set in Paris? (oh no I actually have all this information about the "Rush Hour" series residing in my head)

From the director of "Battlefield Earth!"

It's strange, he directs one movie that seems worth a damn ("Kalifornia"), takes 7 years off, makes two crappy movies in a row ("Gone in 60 Seconds" and this), takes eight years off, then makes two more crappy movies ("Whiteout" and "Season of the Witch"). We should see him making another few crappy movies sometime in 2020.