xoValeriexo

That makes me so happy. I can't imagine why Sean didn't like it though. Rude.

This is fucking amazing. I was laughing so hard reading it. The parts I quoted above were my top #1 favorites, but if I'm being honest (which I am) it's all favorites.

The forum meet-up is tonight, Sean thought while driving his fancy car at an unsafe speed down the freeway. Sean was afraid to be excited about the meet-up because he didn’t want to feel the familiar sting of disappointment. Actually, Sean was rather unfamiliar with disappointment – he’s very successful in all ways –but somehow he knew disappointment wouldn’t feel good. He rolled his window down and let the crisp breeze slap his face back into reality. This isn’t about me. This is about all of us. Sean looked over to the passenger’s seat where Hayes looked lost in thought. I wonder if he’s as afraid as I am, thought Sean. Sean reached his hand over to squeeze Hayes’ dick. Hayes’ body quickly responded with an erection, but Hayes’ mind told him to save his boner for later. Sean could see in his eyes that he wasn’t up for a cum sesh just yet. Fine, thought Sean, be that way. I’m gonna hook-up with all the forum hotties tonight anyway, so screw you. Great, now Sean’s pissed at me, thought Hayes, pulling at his jeans to get his sticky balls off of his leg. A few hairs were roughly yanked out and Hayes felt like screaming, but he knew his pain would make Sean smile and he didn’t want to give him the satisfaction. “I hope Chanson will be there.” Why is Sean ignoring me, thought Hayes, I just want to save my boner for later. “Do you think Chanson will be there?” “I don’t fucking know, Hayes, why don’t you ask my fucking blue balls?” Hayes chose to disregard Sean’s cruel comment. “I wonder if the dj will be any good. I hope he plays a lot of 80s buttrock that we can all jokingly dance to. That would be so funny.” Sean didn’t laugh, but Hayes knew he thought it would be funny too. Inside the convention hall where the forum meet-up is taking place there are literally thousands of forum members already there. Michael Bay of Pigs is hitting on the bartender “Then I commented ‘Papa Smurf getting a Pap Smear, so rando!’ and got three likes.” The bartender is surprisingly unimpressed. Michael Bay of Pigs bristles and says, “Fuck you anyway, I got a big ol’ dick.” The bartender calls him back over, but he’s already gone. Over at the snack table, Greggy and Freja are sharing a puff pastry filled with cream cheese. “These are so good”, Freja says. Greggy responds, “I brought the cream cheese from home. It’s one third the fat of regular cream cheese.” Freja kisses Greggy on the mouth and they continue to mouth kiss for a good hour, only stopping to take bites of cream cheese puffs. In the corner Tim Treese is finger fucking his own asshole while burdrulz watches from the shadows. This is going exactly as I planned, thinks The Narnold aka Skrimps. Sean and Hayes enter the convention center, fashionably late and fashionably dressed. At the exact moment they enter The Beastie Boys’ “(You Gotta) Fight for Your Right (to Party)” starts playing. “What up? What up?” yells Hayes. God, he’s trying so hard to seem cool, thinks Sean. “What up? What up?” yells Sean. Everyone thinks I look so cool, thinks Sean. Hayes quickly scans the room, searching for Chanson. He’s nowhere to be found. A single tear falls down Hayes’ cheek and he quickly wipes it away and yells “Let’s do this!” but his voice cracks and it’s kind of awkward and sad. Sean gives him a pat on the butt and mean-whispers “Get it together, dillhole.” Hayes runs into the bathroom sobbing. Inside the bathroom Hayes hears another person crying. He looks under the stalls but doesn’t see any feet. “Is someone in here?” “Huh? Hayes?” Chanson steps out of the stall, his mascara running down his face. “You came?” “Yeah.. and you’re about to.” Chanson takes Hayes’ butt into his hands. Hayes likes it. Hayes kisses Chanson on the head (of his dick) and says “I’ve been waiting for this moment my whole life.” “Ditto” says Chanson, just like that cute scene from that movie I can’t remember ‘cause I never saw it. They fuck. Hard. In the main convention hall, Bruce Reid Robinson II says, “Hey, where’s Veebs?” Joe McGurl says simply “Diarrhea.” They kiss. Hard. Years later, Hayes and Chanson are regaling their biological grandchildren with this story. The kids’ ears are perked up and they can’t believe how lucky they are to be the second generation offspring of these two men, thanks to science. “Everyone fell in love that night. I’d like to think we’re all soulmates, on some level. All of us forum folk found each other at the exact moment we needed to. And without those forums we never could’ve had you beautiful grandkids who we inexplicably got to name.” Teenaged Erika Thompson, tween JeffreyParties, 5th grader showshowbro, kindergartner OcterDoctopus, and baby AndyKneis are all satisfied with the story. Inquisitive little Toby Keith Sweat, however, chirps “Grandpa, Grandpa, was the dj good like you wanted?” Hayes looks at Chanson and smiles. “I don’t know, precious little one, we were too busy fucking.” RIP Sean. He killed himself, but no one cared, not even his mom.

I had to post that photo here to see your reactions to it. For me, it kinda made me fall in love with Hayes. I can't help but smile when I look at it. Also suck it and fuck it or some junk like that. Who cares?

Andy, I just finished reading all your Cracked articles. They're great! The very last thing I read might be my favorite part of all of them: "They were awful and vicious, you see, so there was some ironic appeal to naming them essentially 'the kittens.' It's like calling a big man 'tiny' or, more accurately, it's like calling 'rapist murdering war criminals' a bunch of 'sexy cats.'

Showshowbro – I don’t know Eli Braden personally, no, I’m just a fan. We’re friends on fb though, which is more than I can say about some of the people on these forums, ya know? He’s responsible for a lot of songs that are on Stern. I don’t listen to that show, but I’ve heard a lot of his songs and they’re ridiculously good and funny. Tim Treese – Thank-you! Honlads isn’t my bff anymore, now it’s you! Michael Bay of Pigs – My Tumblr name is a little scary: genuinehorror.tumblr.com Hope I didn’t give you the willies. Here’s the link to the House of Cards thing specifically: http://genuinehorror.tumblr.com/day/2014/02/20/ AndyKneis – Yeah, I’ve written quite a few specs, but I’m not 100% comfortable with formatting and story structure yet. Your Parks & Rec spec is really good. Super funny! Obviously (from the presence of Mark), it’s an old spec. What have you written recently? I’ve decided to just put a bunch of my writing online, so you can all choose what you want to read. I have multiple specs (Comedy Bang! Bang!, Girls, and Workaholics) and sketches here now: http://www.scribd.com/ValerieBryant

Oh yeah and Eli Braden posted his comedy writing packet today: http://www.scribd.com/collections/4498994/ELI-BRADEN-COMEDY-WRITING-PACKET-MAY-2014 He has a Workaholics spec there and it's so fucking funny. I was laughing out loud the whole way through.

Wow, I thought the motto of the forums was "when ur here ur fam bam". Guess not.

Anton, enhance. This is amazing and you are my best friend now. Sorry to whoever I said was my best friend before. I don't even remember you.

"Dress for the weather you want."

I watched a friend sing "Bare Necessities" on karaoke night and it was painful. There isn't a lot happening in that song. And if you don't have the voice of a cartoon bear you just end up looking like a fool.

I went through and added everyone on facebook. Kinda upset some of you aren't on fb or didn't post your info for some other reason (cia???) but I guess we can just keep our friendship on the dl here in the forums.

So he's definitely not married to Taylor Hicks then.

Dave Thomas was great on the podcast. Now I can be sad when he dies, which is nice because I recently crossed Diane Keaton off my "tweet 'rip' when they die" list. Tweet 'rip' when they die: Charles Manson John Stamos Banana Joe Chris Brown Chris Brown Clint Eastwood Diane Keaton Dave Thomas

Kind of mad at burdrulz right now. I was just telling my [xmas tree topper] that someone should have told John Candy how easy it is to lose weight then he wouldn't have died. It's easy, Candy! You just have to want it! Diet and exercise, John! (I like to jk around)

Beej, when you created the hashtag #longhairdontcare did you think it would make you an overnight celebrity or was it a happy accident?

Holy shit, are you serious? I don't have a question r2g, but maybe someone would like to co-write one with me? I'll start: Hey BJ, you went to an Ivy League school, do you think you're better than me? Damn it, that didn't work. Let's try again. Maybe we could mad lib it? BJ, you wrote a NOUN that was ADJECTIVE and it VERB WITH "ED" my whole shit up. How do you get into the ADJECTIVE NOUN?

I agree with skiz electric light orchestra that you guys should be tru 2 u sometimes. I wanted to hear about Sean's tooth from his genuine whiny voice rather than his cool dude persona. I also was v upset when you mentioned The Voice in the beginning because some reality is just what this show show is missing. Can we get a reality show segment? Or a Sean and Hayes keep it real segment? It sounds stupid, but I miss you guys. Don't b mad @ me. You make me come. You make me complete. You make me completely miserable.

U Talkin' U2 To Me has caused me to laugh so hard that I started choking 3 times now. Pretty impressive. If someone would recreate the Look Who's Talking Too poster with Scott and Adam that would mean a lot to me on a personal/emotional level.

Sean's V is so deep just looking at it made my ears pop. OR Sean's V is so deep there are giant squids down there. I help. Mama, I help.

A friend of mine lost her twin a few years ago, so I was curious to see if this would be a good episode to recommend to her. I kind of felt like there wasn't enough discussion on what Megan went through. How did her parents react? What was it like at school? What exactly was the effect on the town? It's so rare to find someone who has lost a twin, I wish I could've heard more of her story.

I don't really know enough about any of them to make a big decision like this. I could really only answer confidently if I'd spent time living with them, so maybe a better question for me is FMK my mom, my dad, and my brother. F my brother, obviously, 'cuz he's very attractive (and married which only makes it hotter lol I'm so bad), M my mom 'cuz she's a giving person and I can tell she cares about me a lot, K my dad because he has a bit of an attitude problem.

I used my free audible promo forever ago for something that wasn't HH (sorry, Hayes, sorry not sorry, Sean) and I got Sarah Silverman's The Bedwetter. Just thought you guys might like to hear about me for once. Oh, um, can we just talk about periods for a sec? I had the WORST cramps today and I finally understood why Montel Williams contemplated killing himself because of fibromyalgia pain.

When Sean and Hayes beat me I tell them to use the wrench, 'cause fuck them.