Jack on, jack off. Good job Daniel-san, now you can get to cleaning those old cars.

[Jack on, jack off. Good job Daniel-san, now you can get to cleaning those old cars.]

Jack on, jack off.  Good job Daniel-san, now you can get to cleaning those old cars.

[Houston... we have a problem. Too soon? Too late. Now grab me a blanket.]

Houston... we have a problem.  Too soon?  Too late.  Now grab me a blanket.

[A turd in the hand is worth poo in the toosh]

A turd in the hand is worth poo in the toosh

[Hey Scott Octomom, you were in my dream last night. You are a terrible house guest! You broke a glass on the kitchen floor and I cut my foot. Jerk.]

Hey Scott Octomom, you were in my dream last night. You are a terrible house guest! You broke a glass on the kitchen floor and I cut my foot. Jerk. Enjoy the show.

["That mouthwash was so bad, I spit it out after 30 seconds."]

Catchphrase submission:

"That mouthwash was so bad, I spit it out after 30 seconds."

-Damien Marquise
twitter: @damienmm
location: Larry King's suspender closet