apocowarg

I feel like you might have a blockage in your Anahata chakra. Can I recommend some cleansing herbal teas or a solid hour of the pranava mantra? Also your aura is the color of buttholes and your spirit animal is a hagfish.

Whatever will Jenny Slate do without the approval of the Flatulator?

Fuck yeah.

My idiot friends and I used to play that game when we lived in Texas but we called it "indian power hits" for some reason. Everyone stopped after a kid had to go to the hospital because an artery in his throat got damaged and he was losing blood flow to his brain and randomly passing out.

It's the most non-scandalous scandal I have ever heard of. Jezebel is the fucking worst.

A new Wompler jam to soothe the pain of returning to work? ~wipes away tear~

I can't think of doing anything more awesome than jumping over a shark. Congratulations, everyone! We did it!

I went to The Ground Round once and the water tasted strongly of pickles. Never have I returned.