Lukas Holmes

The best part of Xmas is getting hit in the crotch by a rocket shot by a smiling child that smiles even larger when you scream & collapse.

Every commercial on this channel has sex/violence/murder/awfulness. Nicely done #ABCFAMILY.

I kicked Christmas's butt today. Shopping, cooking, playing, assembling, trip to urgent care. #RockedItAll

Leftover cheesecake from the party at The Cheesecake Factory yesterday! Score! #Breakfast #TakeThatMyDoctor #LeftArmNumb #SmellToast

I am so gosh darn proud of @ToddGlass for standing up on a live podcast to tell the host that using the word 'retard' wasn't okay. #LoveYou

Separated at birth! @roryscovel & Star Wars hero General Crix Madine. http://t.co/380n7mYG

#NRA I've never been shot by Super Mario, Anderson Cooper, or an Excel spreadsheet. Thanks for your help in furthering the conversation.

So impressed on a daily basis with some folks. @robertelrod @KevinGentilcore @StevenEYates @earwolf @EliseRome @ilovemyanythink @joe_hill

Going in for an EEG today to see what is wrong with my brain! Taking the new Locke & Key Omega # 2 with me for luck. @joe_hill @GR_comics

I was a fan of @earwolf before today, now I consider them family. @jeffullrich @SklarBrothers @JuliaEveHays #HendersonForever I love u mom

A blog I wrote a while back about my mother. It helps me today to share. Thanks. Against the Darkness She Stood http://t.co/6YumHtDc

My mom was my biggest fan and the basis of every bit of good I ever put on paper. She passed this morning and I will miss her terribly.

You know it's been a rough day when the cat throws up as you are walking to bed and you step over it saying, "That will keep to tomorrow."

Over a year ago @donnybrookcody introduced me 2 the music of THE POGUES. Last night the UFC introduced him 2 the world. #AWinForTheGoodGuys

So much evil in the world. But you know what, there is more good. So much more good. We can win.

No matter how bad things are getting, if I ask our littlest one, "How much do you love me?" She will come lean on me and whisper, "So much."

Does the UFC and Metro PCS have some sort of marketing partnership going? It's not really clear........

It's Festival of Lights day in @CityofBrighton!

American Horror Story is a surprisingly emotional story.

The problem with journalism now, to me, is that it's changed from 'Look at this!' to 'Look at me!'.

I apologize for my absence. My mother has turned very ill and has been put into hospice. Thank you for your understanding.

People posting how lottery win would mean good for those around them. Not me. Had I won it would have ushered in age of darkness. #KingLuke

Will he be giving the world some old UFC dvds? RT @mmaweeklycom B.J. Penn Wants 2 Show World He's Still 1 of the Best Fighters on the Planet

'I'll bet you're pregnant right now. Oh...she IS pregnant right now!" @moshekasher #CLASSIC.

To celebrate today, THIS WORLD OR THE NEXT is now on sale for Kindle for $.99. Use the @earwolf link please and enjoy! http://t.co/mW4bdsli