JohnnyChaCha

You can pull my finger. You can pick my nose. You can toss my salad. You can flip my bean. Just don't shit on my Lean Cuisine.

Nothing could have prepared Geraldo, for that fateful day, when he entered the vault and was exposed to Al Capone's syphilitic, ghost ejaculate.

The peanut butter in my Fleshlight sure does make my Jif pop...

Is JAG on tonight? Or is JAG off?

I don't give a John Jacob Jingleheimer Shit about what Goop told you to insert in your vagina! As long as you're living under my roof, eggs go in the mouth and out the ass!

When I fart, I poop a little.

Heavens to mittelschmerz! I'm ovulating!

Pardon me. Would you be so kind as to tell me when the midnight express arrives?

In the immortal words of Billy Barty, Trixie exclaimed "Think Big!"

Romper, bomper, stomper, boo. Tell me, tell me, tell me do. Magic mirror, tell me today. Did all my friends have fun at play?

For those of you with longstanding, intermittent constipation, fear not! The doctor is in. Get ready to be disimpacted!

If you would do anything for love but you wouldn't do THAT, then....come on...really....you really wouldn't do anything for love. You would do almost anything for love. (To be read in a monotone voice)

Shave and a Handjob, Bay Rum!

Keep your Brechtian distance, if you know what I'm saying.

If a point breaks, outside of a road house, during a red dawn, in grandview, usa, will tiger warsaw's next of kin be notified?

When I give the signal, diddle the actuary.

Today's episode is brought to you in part by Toyota's all new, state-of-the-art Priapism, fueled entirely by Cialis!

I'm 'bout to implode...like the polta-geist abode...

I know why the caged sloth engages in auto-erotic asphyxiation.

I am so sorry, but we will not be able to start the show until you unfurl "old hornington."

If It's Tuesday, This Must Be Anhedonia.

Don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you've got til' it's been drawn and quartered...

Has anyone seen my bulletproof jejunum?

Burt Reynolds' toupee is watching you.

Go-Go-Gadget-Colostomy-Bag!