PlanBFromOuterSpace

"LOL" can go fuck itself. "Punisher: War Zone" isn't on the list? It's such a fun, highly watchable movie, period, and miles above so much of what's been featured on the show.

Lately, our customers have been complete fucking idiots when it comes to movies that DON'T have very literal, on-the-nose names, like it just blows their mind when, after asking every other question they can possibly ask, they realize that "Trainwreck" ISN'T a movie about a literal trainwreck or anything. It's not "Unstoppable". "Whoa, wait, it's a COMEDY?!?" I had another winner last week with... "I'll take two for The Galloways". "WHAT? Do you mean The Gallows?" "Yeah, whatever, you know what I mean." No, I don't understand how you pull "Galloways" out of thin air. THIS is the Adam Sandler fanbase, the people that can fuck up a simple one-word title.

That reminds me of how unimportant reviews are and how our customers only bring them up to either support their choice in films or to shoot down someone else's. An actual quote from a conversation that I overheard at my theater a few years back: "Nah, I heard that that one got bad reviews. We should go see 'Grown Ups' instead..."

Yeah, "Sharknado 3" was total dogshit. I kind of was only half paying attention to the second half (I didn't know that my space prophecy would come true so soon...), so am I wrong in remembering that there really didn't seem to be any sharks in a big chunk of that?

And of course there's "In the Army Now", which also followed the "There's jack shit going on, what could POSSIBLY go wrong?" formula, starring Sir Paulie Shore.

"Courage Under Fire" was '96, "General's Daughter" was '99", but all those other ones may have been in this century. Speaking of "Renaissance Man", how about throwing in some "Major Payne"?

I was young and stupid, and it had Bruce Campbell in it! Steve Martin's "Sgt. Bilko" was pretty decent from what I remember. I think maybe there were so many military themed comedies because there was absolutely jack shit going on at the time as far as any big threats. The first Gulf War was a joke and was treated as such, and while there were things happening here and there, it's not like it is now, so a lot of the comedies centered on these bums that were like "What's the worst that could happen?" That end up getting drawn into some ridiculous situation. I myself was in the Air Force from 1996-2000, which was about the least eventful stretch of the last few decades.

Jesus, at least this wasn't "McHale's Navy". I'm the one that saw THAT in a theater. Ho. Lee. Shit...

Strangely enough, that effect isn't much worse than that scene towards the beginning of "Kingsman"...

I think "Crash" is a far worse offender though, as it follows several groups of people that apparently talk about nothing BUT race the entire time, whether the situation calls for it or not. "Honey, can you pass the salt?" "Have you told your mother you're sleeping with a Mexican girl?" I'm only half-kidding, but that's generally what becomes of even the most innocent conversations in the movie. I think Sandra Bullock stops being a bigot because her maid was the only one there to help her when she fell or something.

There has to be one in space, right? There HAS to be...

Speaking of "LOL", maybe now would be a good time to check in with you all and see where you stand in your recovery from that movie.

Not enough fake babies.

Speaking of the HDTGM Emoji, has anyone seen the Facebook post about it? I have no idea why so many people like my question about whether or not Jason's is still in "The Dictator". It's a serious question, jerks! Feel free to friend me there if you want. You all seem trustworthy and NOT crazy...

Hey, the first "Piranha" was good! The second one was a hate crime to anyone with eyeballs and/or functioning ears though...

I always like the "Oh, I wasn't expecting that question..." response to the weekly Nic Cage segment. He totally would have fucked Lois, right? RAMsey, indeed...

Could you imagine the hate mail and threats that would come from Eastwood being portrayed as anything BUT a swinging bachelor? I can see it now in their horribly arthritic scribblings: "You harlot! How dare you take him away from us!". This would of course come long after the film's theatrical release though, like three years later after a late Sunday afternoon showing on TNT, or "bed time" as it's known to his key demographic. He's like a member of One Direction to those ladies...

Bojack Horseman on Netflix! Netflix: It's like Next Issue for your television!

Bumping this because a video podcast called Old School Wrestling Review that I love just did a "Samurai Cop" episode for SOME reason, and it's pretty fantastic. There are a few wrestling references* and callbacks to previous episodes, but nothing that's too confusing, as well as some "Samurai Cop 2" and "The Room" discussion. *- Most notably, they call Robert Z'Dar's character Knox or "Quarter Past Ten", due to his resemblance to wrestler Mike Knox and a way that he had posed his arms in one of the pictures that they've used of him several times.

If your name is Rath, you pretty much HAVE to grow up to be a killer, right? I'd like to see a movie about about a guy with a shitty "only happens to characters in action or horror movies" name that's just trying to live a normal life in the face of people trying to push him into comic book villainy.

From what I recall, this series HAS had some of the worst excuses for comic relief, seemingly just for the sake of having comic relief. I mean, if the people are ordinarily funny, the material they're given is garbage.

Yeah, the whole first part leading up to his dismissal isn't all that interesting. I mostly liked the history of the Moreau property, like its various adaptations, as I grew up reading and watching all the HG Wells stuff, but since Stanley never really amounted to much, it doesn't work as an effective "What If...?". The movie, no matter how successful or not successful it would have been, was inconsequential in the overall scheme of things, and if it would have been anyone else steering the ship from the beginning, it probably would have been just as much of a clusterfuck. I'll take this opportunity again to mention "Jodorowsky's Dune", which in its failure created much of the sci-fi that I love. If it would have happened, it may not have set the world afire, but it would have tied up the talents that went on to make "Alien" after "Dune" fell through, which also made the career of Ridley Scott. It also could have affected the fate of "Star Wars", so you've got nearly 40 years worth of cinematic history possibly being rewritten. The '96 "Island of Dr. Moreau" could disappear from the history and no one would notice.

That said, did you ever see "A Year and a Half in the Life of Metallica" where the opposite happened? Oh, they were on their way up for sure, but they weren't the Stones or anything, and they ended up making one of the most comprehensive "making of"/"rise to superstardom" documentaries ever made.

Or if it yelled at us for wearing shorts!

I was hoping for some "Best Worst Movie", because c'mon, this sounds like it SHOULD be nothing but two straight hours of people going "Holy shit, and then THIS happened...".