PlanBFromOuterSpace

I barely remember anything about the film at all, but has anyone seen "Fire Birds", the attempt to rip off "Top Gun" with Nic Cage and Tommy Lee Jones before they both became Oscar winners and THEN action heroes? I do know that I've always been amused by early overly-serious Cage that doesn't deserve to be taken seriously.

I haven't seen that guy ANYWHERE else, are you sure? *subtle cue to start photoshopping animated Megatron into all of those movies*

In addition to knowing what WASN'T going to be in the film so early on, I really didn't like that they'd already announced like three more Spidey movies and the Sinister Six movie before this even came out, because I started wondering how important THIS one could be. It's sort of reminiscent of when Marvel Studios proper announced their slate of planned Avengers projects after "Iron Man" was such a success, but more forced. That said, "Iron Man 2", as much as people like to shit on it, was a much better sequel, did a lot more world-building, and is more important in the overall scheme of things.

We got booked with this this week, and I had no idea what the hell it was, but from what I gathered on the Fandango description, they're brothers, and one's the rock star while the other's stuck dealing with dad or something. I haven't seen a frame of the film, but it sounds like they took "Walk the Line" and split Johnny Cash into two characters or something, though I'm sure it'll be more like an unironic "Walk Hard". THE WRONG KID DIED!

There's a good way to throw in extra characters though, and there's a bad way. The new series thinks that just because they throw Harry out there that that's enough, that they can blow through about three movies worth of possible storyline and set-up because it's Harry and he was in the other movies, so we know who he is, BUT the whole point of this reboot in the first place was to tell a different story and forget what happened before. There needs to be time spent making us give a shit about the character one way or the other, because he's technically a new character. It's one thing if you have Beetle, Grizzly, Shocker, Spot, or even Rhino just appear and do their thing out of the blue, as they're just a bunch of clowns in super suits, but you need to take your time with the big bads, or at least make their time count.

I think a "good" bad movie could have been made about the story of "Saved by the Bell" if it was done like the show in a tongue-in-cheek kind of way, as it had elements to do just that, but wasn't the least bit clever. Someone mentioned the girls being bitchy at one another in one scene and then forgetting about it the next, and all sorts of other things happened that were seemingly ignored later on, and that's EXACTLY what would happen on the show, but only because it was a show for kids that don't really pay attention to things like continuity or doing things or acting in a way that would be completely inappropriate in real life. There's lots of fun to be had if they treated the MAKING of the show like that too, like the writers not caring that they were basically doing the same six stories over and over, people forgetting who was dating who, no one else on the set even having a name because the actors playing the main characters are the only ones that matter, no one questioning why there seemed to be a big dance every two weeks, etc.

This movie is seriously lacking in "Vodka" brand vodka.

They seem to really have no blueprint for this thing at all. They planned to get more into the parent stuff in the first one only to push it back to this one, and then they include the parent stuff in this one and plan to do Mary Jane before deciding to axe THAT and push it back to whenever. I think it really hurts the films going into them by already knowing this, because you know there's just going to be more set-up for the NEXT movie, and even then it might still be jettisoned. I mean, it's not like we're finding this out now when it's hitting DVD through the extras or anything and that the information is avoidable. It's pretty well-documented and well known months and months before the movie's even finished. The more Sony pulls this shit, the dumber they're going to look, because I'd be surprised if they can even get Shailene Woodley back, what with her being a much bigger deal now. I'm starting to wonder if they've given up, if Sony's INTENTIONALLY driving interest down now to damage the character for Marvel for whenever they get the movie rights back. Same goes for the Fantastic Four over at Fox. From what little I've seen on the new take of that, it doesn't even sound like it's a real thing.

These shitty, no-production-value Lifetime biopics border on being offensive, or else I'd say that they could probably get THE Alicia Silverstone for that thing. Holy fuck, CGI Screech...

One of my big problems with "Spider-Man 3" was that Gwen Stacy was in it, but did absolutely nothing Gwen Stacy-like. She was just a female character that was there to be "the other woman" basically. Meanwhile, you had Elizabeth Banks RIGHT THERE the whole fucking time in a bit part as Betty Brant, who had also been a romantic interest for Pete in the past. So yeah, I was annoyed that Gwen DIDN'T die in her last incarnation, but her dying in THIS version of the franchise seemed tonally wrong, and her reason for being in danger being totally contrived. Hey, if she already had such an awesome job at OsCorp, WHY did she need to worry about getting into a good school? Also, in the end, she was basically just there to hit a switch or push a button, right?

I'm 30 minutes or so in, and I'm amused that they're acting like the cancellation of "Miss Bliss" after five months was like "MASH" coming to an end or something, like it wasn't just some shitty show full of nobodies on the Disney Channel. Why is everyone parking ACROSS the parking spaces? I love the random shit being carried around the sets. Jesus statue, giant hamburger, dinosaur... This would be so much better if it was based on what April Richardson and her "Go Bayside" guests THOUGHT the set was like. It'd be full of 60-something writers, frustrated foley artists and sound effects guys, Don FUCKING Barnhart! Jesus, you'd swear that they were doing the behind-the-scenes story of an Aaron Sorkin drama. Fake Mark Paul looks like he's about 12. I'm shocked by the amount of licensed music that's popping up in this thing. They've just played "Word Up" though for like the second time in 10 minutes. I think it would have been funny if this movie had the same generic synth shit throughout it that the show had. Oh fuck, Lifetime's got a Brittany Murphy biopic on the way?

Someone posted on the Christopher Lambert thread, so it's my duty to bump this one as well! Come on, guys. Do it. Please. It'll sweep the next Howdies.

My hang-up has always been "ironic", like how it often gets used to describe something that isn't the least bit ironic. Can you imagine if EVERY word that got misused got an alternate, opposite definition? Fuckin' internet...

With as much as he feels the need to point out that he isn't, I'm convinced that Paul IS giving us AIDS.

I was working at my theater yesterday when the mylars arrived for the new films. These are the things that get put up above the doors of the theaters and the hallways so that they can be ignored by customers while they go into the wrong theater anyway. I immediately noticed that something was wrong... It looks like this may have been the mock-up that they used when the film was announced, like when they said "EVERYONE is going to be in it! We got this guy and this guy and this guy...", because Willis, Cage, and Chan AREN'T IN THE MOVIE. Also, most of the pictures come from other movies altogether. Willis (who again ISN'T in it) and Schwarzenegger were even in the first two movies, so they had plenty of images at their disposal, but those are clearly images from "Live Free or Die Hard" and "Sabotage", while Wesley Snipes over there is in "Blade" mode, and Stallone is sporting some facial hair from one of the earlier "Expendables", I think. Nice to see that they went with "Drive Angry" Nic Cage even though he's NOT IN THIS. Way to go Lionsgate marketing department! How did this title art get made? The movie itself was a lot of fun though, and it's PG-13, but you really can't tell the difference anyway.

Without a proper family-oriented blockbuster to get behind this summer, Wal-Mart decided to support the next best thing..

Hmmmmm, it wouldn't have been in the first one then, because she was in the second one as well...

Which "Cheaper By the Dozen" movie was that in again?

As I was watching "Expendables 3", I couldn't shake the feeling that I KNEW one of the new Expendables, like had met him personally, and then today I all of a sudden remembered that I'd met and talked to Victor Ortiz when I worked for a week on the upcoming Jake Gyllenhaal boxing flick "Southpaw" a couple months back. He was Jake's trainer or corner guy or something, and I'll be seen as a ringside judge during the "Madison Square Garden" (really the Indiana University of Pennsylvania) fights. Anyway, he was a pretty good dude.

That said, I found the Hulk to be merely Credible.

In May 1998, I flew to Saudi Arabia, and the movies we got were "Tomorrow Never Dies", "Flubber", "For Richer, For Poorer", and "Wag the Dog". Not the worst mix, but when I came home three months later, I was hoping for some stuff from the Spring that I might have missed, but instead, we got "As Good As It Gets" (which I love) followed by "For Richer, For Poorer", "Flubber", and "Tomorrow Never Dies". *sigh*

Yeah, I'm pretty sure we've talked about it a good bit. These more recent ones are harmless and bland, but that one's pure gold.

If there was a Mt. Rushmore of the great 80s soundtrack artists, El DeBarge would be right up there with Kenny Loggins and...I don't know, like two or three other versions of Kenny Loggins.

If anything, the original Corman FF film from the 90s belongs here!

Oh wow, that was completely unintentional, but it works!