PlanBFromOuterSpace

That's right, I don't want to hear that they're normal people. It SO ruins the illusion *sigh*

I specifically remember that it came out that Paris Hilton did not vote, and then she didn't make good on the "or die" part either. It's like I can't take anything P. Diddy does seriously anymore, you know?

Indeed, a nightmare factory is what it is.

He is simultaneously a very handsome man and one of the ugliest things to ever put on a dress. See: "To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything, Julie Newmar"

"6 Kids Movies Clearly Made By People Who Hate Children" http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-kids-movies-clearly-made-by-people-who-hate-children/ This article popped up on Cracked the other day and features HDTGM alumni "Mac & Me" and "Super Mario Brothers" as well as perennial HDTGM-hopefuls "Baby Geniuses 2" and THIS. Here's an excerpt: Get past all of the bizarre and uncomfortable plot points and you're still left with the Garbage Pail Kids themselves. Imagine for a moment your blender. Imagine if the glass container of your blender could be removed, but the base, with the spinning blades, is intact. Now imagine those blades spinning away and someone maintaining eye contact with you as they begin doing naked squats over those blades. Squat after naked squat, each time getting a little lower, never breaking eye contact with you. And the horror builds and builds until the inevitable moment when that person squats their junk right down on that blender. That's what The Garbage Pail Kids Movie is like, a slow, terrible build up to something that has been terrible all along but just keeps getting worse. Read more: http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-kids-movies-clearly-made-by-people-who-hate-children_p2/#ixzz2YGeW89hT [/left]

Don't forget the peeping tom watching the two kids screw. I forget how he died, but the guy that was doing he screwing had a pretty wicked tourniquet death. Also, Juwanna Mann gets killed in an outhouse after singing a song while taking a shit.

On it's worst day, "Paranormal Activity" still comes nowhere NEAR "Saw" when it comes to contrived, tacked-on bullshit. Seriously, watch some of those later ones that depend on like a dozen different people doing exactly what they end up doing for all the pieces to fall into place just right. They're amazing/the most retarded thing ever in that way, and if the HDTGM crew were to do "Saw", they'd have to do the entire series for it to have any chance of making sense.

It pretty much became "Team Jigsaw" after that, where half the movie would be Jigsaw's protege continuing with his uninteresting storyline, while the other half would be filling in the holes of the timeline to kind of sort of half-assedly explain how everything could be happening exactly the way it needed to happen. If there was ever a series that depended more on crazy coincidences to move the plot forward, I'd like to know what it is.

I am absolutely sure that I saw this back-to-back many a time with the Scott Valentine classic "My Demon Lover" on Showtime in 1988 or so.

THIS reminds me of a movie he did called "Short Time", which I remember for pretty much one thing, and that is how out of touch Hollywood screenwriters are with kids. The movie has him playing a cop that thinks he's going to die of something or other, so he tries to get killed in the line of duty so that his family will get the full insurance payout. Hilarity (allegedly) ensues, and during all this, he probably learns the true meaning of happiness or some bullshit. Anyway, the only scene I clearly remember has him riding around in the car with his kid. The radio's playing, kicking out some sweet, sweet Steve Winwood jams, so the kid cranks it up, as I'm sure we all would. Dabney's all like "Whoa, what's with these kids and their crazy rock and/or roll music?" or something (I could be paraphrasing), and the kid's all "Relax, dad! You just gotta rolllllll with it!". Y'see, kids LOVE Steve Winwood...and Bruce Hornsby...

Unlike Walker though, she doesn't say "brah" nearly enough.

"New Beginning" had some pretty awesome kills and quality T&A, and while Jason wasn't the killer in it, it certainly wouldn't be the stupidest thing this series would do. Not by a fucking longshot. More ridiculous than Jason not being in the movie was the sheer number of "characters" that were introduced just to die seconds later. I thought it was a fine enough middle chapter of the Tommy Jarvis trilogy.

I don't even think that "Stop or My Mom Will Shoot" even made for that great of a show. Even here on the message boards people couldn't find a lot to talk about, and it somehow turned into like 4 straight pages of discussion about Woody Allen's filmography.

Actually, I think "Saw" became more about just HOW far up it's own ass a movie franchise could get. So much shit kept getting piled on and on, every hole in the timeline had to be filled with a half a dozen more characters to not give a shit about, and it moved sooooooooo far away from what made it interesting in the first place. It made me kind of miss the days where I COULD just throw in a random installment of a horror series and enjoy and understand what was going on without having to have recently watched the previous four in the last 24 hours to get it.

And both of those were AFTER "Da Vinci Code", where he played some sort of a self-flagellating albino assassin monk, right?

This reminds me, has anyone seen the "Wolf of Wall Street" trailer? It could very well be the perfect film. Midgets and monkeys, guys. Midgets AND monkeys...

No, sir! Your clever attempt at trying to pull the HDTGM crew off the tracks of the "Southland Tales" crazy train will not work! It HAS to happen! I fear Jason may not survive, but it will be so, so worth it!

If "The Happening" isn't...happening any time in the foreseeable future, can we all just agree to go back to hounding the shit out out of them to do "Southland Tales"? Really, it would be the right thing to do. HDTGM FEARS "Southland Tales". I don't think there are any bridges left to burn there, as I think the movie itself already River Kwai'd the shit out of any bridges that Richard Kelly had with nearly any person, place, or thing.

Kind of off-topic, but this reminds me of a James Bond video game that was out a while back called "007: Agent Under Fire". One review basically said that with the 007 mention, the rest of the title was pretty redundant. It'd be like calling a racing game "NASCAR: Drivers Driving Fast".

You just saw the Cracked article today, didn't you? I don't think I've ever seen two mentions of this film in the same YEAR, much less the same day!

It reminds me of what Corman and those kind of guys used to do in the 50's, where they'd whip up a poster to sell a movie to theaters before a single frame of film was ever shot. It was like "They want to SHOW the movie? Shit, we better shoot it this week then", which was why the movies never ever lived up to the awesome artwork.

Oh yeah, and I just remembered that I saw something in my cable listings recently where the description did read "Not to be confused with...", which was funny, because there is absolutely NOTHING at stake when you're flipping channels. Yeah, when you're at the video store (I feel so old...) or Redbox, you might be out a couple bucks if you mistake it for something else, but if you find yourself accidentally watching "The Day The Earth Stopped" on SyFy, you're not obligated to pay for your mistake with two hours of your life.

My friend's girlfriend used to manage a Blockbuster (remember those?), and people really ARE dumber than shit when it comes to mockbusters like this, like they REALLY thought that the movie on the shelf was the same one that just came out in theaters the day before.

Actually, it looks like they stole the Arnold puppet head from "Terminator" and slapped some coloring in the hair.

Sorry if I repeated anything you'd said, we must have been writing at the same time.