NicholasSchleder

#FadedThoughts food thoughts? oh faded thoughts. food yeah lets get some though

#LincolnProblems black people be all like "free me" and im like "wait bitch, swerve"

#PerksOfDatingMe laughs & a penis

#yousoblack you got 3 bathtubs. One for your body, one for your upper lip, and one for your bottom lip.

"I like the way you laugh, boy." - Django to a man who gave a genuinely warm chuckle

"Just let me love you- until you learn- to love yourself" Why go out with a girl who doesn't know how to masturbate #priorities

"service engine soon" lose the attitude car I'll fuck you up deep home butter

"Work smarter, not harder."

"You know in some cultures - they only eat vomit." #Dodgeball

“Shakespeare was a smart dude, he was president of Rome.”

All I do is win win win and sometimes lose lose lose well mostly I kinda lose lose lose shit, I never win win win. My life sucks sucks sucks

And then he asked me, "No seriously, ask your grandpa. Can I have his hand-me-downs?" Haha, CLASSIC MACKLEMORE. #911WasAnInsideJob

And you think this gives you power over me?

Are coyotes afraid of human yelling the same way humans are afraid of coyote yelling? Thanks.

Asian lady stalking me at dillards trying to get commission off me. I went to another cashier and talked shit about her lelelelelelelelelele

Bawitdaba. Da bang, a dang diggy diggy. Diggy said, "the"; Boogy said, "up jump the boogy".

Beer before liquor i got fu ked up quicker

bored

boring night

Butts are really just toothpaste dispensers.

Coffee is the best remedy to help caffeine withdrawals #wheredidmydickgo ?

Corona with lemon is good #notagirl #ihaveapenis

DADDY JUST WOKE UP, I'll be there in 2 swipes of a salamander mkay? #urgent

Damn girl hella sour