wyldride

They don't even know non-apple products exist. RT @Jayde_Nicole Do ppl with Iphones know ...

Yeah, I've never been sold on the benefits of a smoky ass, either. RT @WendyLiebman I never want anyone to blow smoke up my ass.

I'm hoping someone makes Being Elmo Malkovich. John Cusack spends time in a puppeteer's head. RT @AmberTozer Cried when I watched Being Elmo

There sure is a bunch of comics scheduled. Sort of a debate en masse. #nopeagain RT @iliza @Just_For_Laughs About to do The Debaters here

Egg donation? Plus, hey, maybe some cold, hard cash. Win=win. RT @TheDaniStew I hope I can get one without ever having a child

She's from an earlier time when bags were considered head condoms RT @aprilmacie grandma insisted I wear a bag on my head when it rained

It'd be weird if they detonated the irreproachable ones. RT @KariByron Amazed @ how often the bomb squad has 2 detonate "suspicious devices"

No one has to say it, but I'm gonna: What a boaring place to swim. RT @aprilmacie This boar loves to snorkle. http://t.co/1IKGLtuT

Ted was a funny movie, but I wish that, instead of hiring the guy that does Peter Griffin's voice, they'd gotten the guy who does Brian's.

Oh Bear Camp. I thought you said Bare Camp. You know, where you camp in a thoroughly cleared area. RT @mariancall That's right, Bear Camp.

Dude, there's on crying in, uh, whatever it is you're doing. Seriously, no crying! RT @cheezitslut Dude with a neck tattoo just cried

Is there a Heisenberg's uncertainty principle for Twitter followers? Sometimes it says I'm not following people I am and vice versa. Weird.

Ah yes, of the infamous House Bolton from Game of Thrones. RT @aprilmacie painting my mom did of her and Michael Bolton http://t.co/9gGPLbSe

I see the Koreans have put their own twist on the Chinese swing. RT @pariskennedy I want this soooo bad i'm not even joking

Don't use that word! There's certainly no reason for you to be sorry. RT @cheezitslut Sorry, I mean, the cunt next to me

It's a grand slam! #orothergenerictenniscompliment RT @iliza my tennis dress on today's #excused http://t.co/1VLlNwjs

Underground in the London Underground. #ravolox RT @mariancall Still soliciting ideas here

"Life is like a box of chocolates. Feel free to pick through every last one for one that's to your liking." RT @iliza I found one I liked.

Extreme Pub-up! #closeuppub RT @iliza OK! What's THIS!?

"That's why I take Dickquil: The overnight 'so your dick can rest' medicine." RT @iliza Restless Dick Syndrome (RDS)

Good thing I didn't ask @twitter to verify me: I don't really feel like myself today. #alsoimnotfamous

You can get a plain "what?!?" if that helps at all. #imconfused #dontknow RT @ClareKramer if you know what I mean! Can I get a what what?!

The internet thinks I'm from Montreal--Does that count? RT @iliza Is anyone in Montreal a fan of The Weakly News?

Don't worry: The sunburn is on the backs of your legs--It won't show. RT @Veronica Forgetting to put sunscreen on the backs of my legs?

Don't say anything funny -- You'll just antagonize him. RT @CandaceBailey5 On my way to do Adam Corolla's podcast