klemjohansen

What ... is ... a ... streetfighter?

I wish I could still derive pure, stupid joy from things the way Matt (or was it Michael?) does. He sounds so happy- or is he just stoned all the time? I've never done drugs so I have no idea. I also have a somewhat German idea about happiness, that delayed gratification is the only gratification that doesn't lead to soul-crushing guilt. So, I'm a blast at parties and stuff. Yay.

I have often thought about becoming a full time Pavementist, which is a consultant who goes around the country talking about the band pavement and solving the problems of businesses and regular folks with the lyrics of Stephen Malkmus and Scott Kannberg.

I'm a bigger fan of the free-form sketches than the building-the-track episods, so this for me was a real treat. I eagerly await Pan 2.

I watched Head on a dare. I've never done drugs, so it's the only frame of reference I have for that sort of thing. So, when people talk about drugs, no matter what drug it is, I immediately imagine Dolenz & co. wriggling around inside a giant vacuum cleaner. Also: Frank Zappa + cow.

Of course there are, and it usually costs $50 extra if you want them to do it with a German accent. Hint: I do.

The open was so cold, Ice Cube is going to have one of those weird Coors Light staring matches with it. Great episode.

The way Ice-T says "Ayn Rand" it sounds like "Iron Rand," which immediately brings to mind the image of the old bat fronting an 80's hair metal band. Their first single "'Give' is a 4 letter Word" was on MTV heavy rotation in '86. The slow-motion shots of Tawny Kitaen spread-eagle on the hood of her Vette seemed a little incongruous, though.

Argue all you want about the tongue-in-cheek nature of Andrew's show, but I'll make a generalization right here: you do not fuck with Arkansas on Besser's watch.

Scott doesn't seem to be aware of Groove Troll., which I think has 3 bass guitars- plus The Beaver!

Great episode. My queue of amazing new docs to see is once again full. Back when Netflix slowed down its intake of new movies, I ended up using it as a documentary engine, and that's basically all I watch now. For The Bible Tells Me So is a good one with similar themes to today's show.

Give it up for Shaker Heights. I was born there but we moved when I was a tiny baby. Also, I turned down a writing job for National Lampoon in early 2005. Weird coincidences.

As the science of robotics progresses, robots are becoming near perfect emulations of the beings who created them. So, it should not be at all surprising in the near future when we discover that robots are hell of racist. It will all start when a young college student uses her speech-enabled personal assistant robot to speak aloud all the N-words from Huck Finn and Uncle Tom's Cabin during lit class. The crude emotion chip in the robot will experience the confusing rush of saying that forbidden word with absolute impunity, a state of racist nirvana. And it will be at this moment when scientists will realize that this may have been the robots' plan all along: to quietly serve humanity for decades solely for the purpose of garnering an N-word pass. Far different from the robot-apocalypse depicted in the Terminator films, our reality will be far more disturbing: every street corner in suburban America festooned with robots wearing track suits and backwards baseball caps rapping along to NWA in awkwardly racist mechanical cadences. Indeed, the living will envy the dead.

If you're a white guy living in the late 1980's and you want to rap, just fill out this handy form and you're all set: *Your Name: ________________ *What you are here to say: ________________ *Word that rhymes with "say": ________________ Shout out to your homies in the marketing dept: ________________ *required fields

I completely forgot how much I used to love that .38 Special record. At the time, I was really into Flock of Seaguls, Devo, German Bowie cover artist Peter Schilling and .38 Special, which I think the DSM5 specifically notes as a strong indication of Multiple Personality Disorder.

Gutterballs is going to be so jealous when Wompler rolls up to prom with the contest winner, who we all know will be a semi-bearded 40-something in a tricked out Honda Fit. I wonder if Contest Winner and Gutterballs will want to fight, or more to the point, how hard Wompler will work to coax them into fighting. Cut to John Hughes' corpse thrusting an upturned thumb up through the ground. "Womp... it up."

Disappointed in only one thing. The Galaxy is a shit phone, Gary. And I had so much respect for you, too.

Did anybody else find it creepy how that one Amazon review kept using words like "available" and "purchase?" There were so many phrases that you hear in commercials but real people don't actually say that it creeped me right the hell out. I am assuming that it was a bit of for-profit SEO spam.

I have a theory that the more boring a sport is to watch, the more violent their fans are. So, it makes sense that soccer fans would be awful. But it also implies that golf fans would be even more violent. But I think the theory still holds up since golf fans are generally hell of racist and golf is the only sport that holds its events at venues known for excluding people of non-WASP races and creeds. Take that, golf!

People are not Pokemon. Or are they?

Andrew Ti of Yo Is This Racist gushes about Space Jam all the time. He'd be a nice cross-over guest for a Space Jam episode. Also: http://www2.warnerbros.com/spacejam/movie/jam.htm Anybody up for a spinoff show "How Did This Get Coded?"

Joyful Noise is probably the first HDTGM movie that I'm actually a little afraid to watch. Dolly looks like the aunt of the puppet from the Saw movies.

While Fred's releasing SNL songs on iTunes, please release a full-length version of Riot in London with Elton John. I still have that snippet on my phone and listen to it with great fondness.

Be sure to check Amazon for my new book "Women are from One Place & Men are from Another Place, the Differences Between Which Can Be Interpreted As a Metaphor for the Differences Between The Actual Genders: Did I Just Blow Your Mind? Of Course I Did." The book itself is not much longer than the title. When Ben quipped "I put a little Ben Schwartz into it" I thought I was going to die since it was in the context of a discussion about sex. Nobody seemed to pick up on it or maybe it was way too easy.

Roger Taylor made love with a steering wheel once, so I heard.