klemjohansen

There was supposed to be a sequel called The Covenants, about the same group of snotty dicks now living in the suburbs and taking control of their local homeowners' association board of directors. "You saying I can't put up a shed in my back yard without going through the architectural control committee? [Floats in the air menacingly] There's gonna be a witch fiiiiiiiight!"

I just looked up the trailer for Kind Hearts & Coronets. They use the N-word in the trailer. In the trailer! Basically, this sleepy English manners comedy about murder is no less edgy than Straight Outa Compton.

I'm changing my name to Kiem. Paul fucked up my name, which makes me feel like a somebody.

80's white kid rap form: YOUR NAME: ___________________ WHAT ARE YOU HERE TO SAY: __________________ WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO: __________________ IN WHAT MANNER DO YOU LIKE DOING THE ABOVE (MUST RHYME WITH SAY): __________________

I have a theory that Richie and the little brother from Better Off Dead were friends. Since the setting is vague in Teen Witch, it's conceivable that it took place in the same Northern California town of Greendale where Better Off Dead takes place. The younger Meyer brother appears to be 10 or so in 1985 and by 1989 he seems to be 13 or 14. That would make him the same age as Richie. Neither of them ski, so what is there to do in Greendale other than make marshmallow pizzas and destroy your garage with a d-i-y space shuttle? During the "how to pick up loose women" party in his room, I imagine Richie is there but unseen due to the narrow view through the door. In this sense, Teen Witch is a sequel to Better off Dead- if only for the younger brother through-line.

Did anybody else notice that some of the rap sequences sound like one guy with a shitty reverb or delay to make it sound like three guys? Also, the trio's costumes are a perfect summation of 80's fashion clichés. The costume designer was like, "you can have a vest or a Hawaiian shirt or you can have suspenders." And the director goes, "well, we have three of them." "That's easy! One each. Done!" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ksBE53CIT8E The sheer number of references in this movie to early-to-mid 80's pop culture for a movie shot in the very late 80's makes me think it was a period piece, which would explain the need to repeatedly remind us of the time period. It's almost like in Childrens Hospital when they constantly say things like, "in Brazil, which is where we are right now." This movie is saying, "you're watching an 80's teen comedy, guys. It's so 80's, even Tangena knows who Punky Brewster is." The use of "For he's a Jolly Good Fellow" instead of the birthday song for obvious copyright reasons is the moment I started to love this shitty movie. Did anybody notice that when Brad handed her the soda can he flipped it around as a way of showing off, thereby shaking it up? What a dick. Also going through Louise Guzeman's mind at that moment? "mmmm what a dick!" Did the DJ say "grab your wallets it's going to be a slow song?" Wallets? What the hell is going on here? Bolos were never cool, Brad. Not even in the 80's. When they counterfeited the money, I was so hoping the movie would suddenly become an teen rom-com version of To Live and Die in L.A. My biggest problem is the water reset magic rule. I'm sure a lot of folks will chime in about this, but for me it ruins any logical sense this movie inadvertently made. That poor theater teacher is in for a rough surprise the moment her lover-boy showers. Ew, and what if he doesn't? Talk about a stinky Sophie's choice. He'll die of thirst within a few days, anyway. When the guys show up at her door when she's suddenly popular- one of them looks like a 30 year old dude with a mustache. The spooky house scares me but then I hear the sexy 80's sax music and I'm like "it's OK. This is just a house for boning." The sax keeps going and Brad is all, "doesn't this dilapidated house make you horny?" This movie's idea of the pinnacle of fashion: bedazzled jean jacket a acid wash jeans. In the credit roll there should be something like "Canadian Tuxedo from the Toronto After Six collection."

The best part of the movie is the look on Brad's face that seems to say "does this old dilapidated house make you as horny as it makes me? Am I the only one who hears that pornosax?" Louise is a monster.

Teen Witch: everyone in this movie overdoes it by at least 20%. It's like the story takes place in a world where everyone is a theater camp kid. All the quirky but homely best friends from the other 80's movies somehow migrated to this movie. This movie makes Disney's High School Musical look like Ordinary People.

Wookies have some very rigid gender roles, guys. We need to discuss this. Chewie's dad looks like a 50's movie monster. Also, he's short for a wookie, which might explain his tortured expression and ceaseless pantomime rage. The weird Cirque De So-What hologram TV has two sets of 70's era audio cassette players side-by side. Luke scene plays like a video you'd watch on line at Star Tours or something. Nobody on screen seems fully present- except for the bleeting wookies. They are in it to win it. Lucas always disavows this thing and claims he had nothing to do with it, but after seeing the prequels, I'm certain he had some level of creative control. Some of the worst ideas in this seem very Phantom Menacy.

Love this show because I'm such a fan of Casey and Danielle. I've never seen the Housewives, and for some reason I don't want to. I think it would ruin it for me. Three episodes in and I figured out that Kyle is a lady.

Paul: "it's unlocking the who did the what." The thing I love most about this episode is that, when it comes to hacking/phreaking culture, all three of them are June.

There should be a sign on a highway in Toronto that says "if you lived here, you'd be Thanksgivinging by now."

He's a beastman but self identifies as a dainty space princess. His friends and family have been very supportive. It's actually a very heartwarming story.

Other random-ish thoughts about this incredible movie: At 33 minutes in, how did the microphone stand catch fire? Was it a wooden microphone stand? The little monster commander guy was everybody's favorite. Between his hair and Dolf's, they could have called this Mullets of the Universe. What teenager looks at a cylindrical device found in a cemetery and doesn't instantly think "oh, a bong!" Actually, The Key is really the Stanley Cup Trophy from the year 2150. Skeletor is a Travolta-style face toucher. Why are they putting Burger King trash into the sink? Maybe we'll wash out these paper cups to use later, guys. We're very environmentally conscientious. How is it that Enternian blasters that can cut 1"-thick steel but can't penetrate hollow-core wooden doors?

Anybody else notice that the warehouse from the battle scene has a neon sign out front that says PIZZA backwards? Was the warehouse specifically designed to store pizza toppings? It was a real missed opportunity to raise the stakes a little. A laser blast causes a box of toppings to explode. "Not the pepperoni! Pepperoni is my favorite!"

I just figured it out: Dolph Lundgren is Vin Deisel's dialogue coach Good journey, guys. Good journey.

Hey, everybody! It's Li'l rewind!

I was sleeping beach adjacent. Like a cartoon, I become part of the smell and it wafts me up and away.

"What a drama! What a fetish!" "Does someone who hugs have rage? DOES SOMEONE WHO HUG HAVE RAGE?" Everything she said was certified gold on this one.

It seems like I'm not alone in my love for this episode. Becca is my new favorite secondary character in the Wompiverse. As a trio, these characters work in any combination, and during the episode they shifted beautifully from one arrangement to another. Becca is so sincere and so grounded as a character, when she threw the rock pile joke out there I nearly crashed my car. I wasn't even driving at the time. Golf claps all around.

I understand how Paget is concerned about growth hormone in beef production, but you have to admit that the sight of all those muscle-bound steer, shaved and oiled up, flexing for the passing cars - it's kinda sexy.

"I know how to fly a plane because I say so. Let me fly this million-dollar government aircraft for basically no reason. Also, I'm probably lying - look at my boobs." A surprisingly low body count for a disaster movie, but I did enjoy the dawn of what we might call the SCU, the Syfy Cinematic Universe. Apparently Finn shows up in a different shitty made-for-TV schlockfest. Finally, we can have a convention in San Diego and argue about franchise continuity!

They just blew the lid off of the Wompiverse with this one. Listler can time travel? This demands an animated Hana Barbara spit-off featuring Lis and Marissa as they travel through time to solve crimes, somehow always narrowly avoiding killing hitler and/or avoiding 9/11.