klemjohansen

Today I learned that "social media expert" is a millennial euphemism for "unemployed."

People whinging about misconduct at the IRS seem to be ignoring the misconduct of the tea party groups in question who broke the law.

Special offer: To busy to call mom today? I'll call your mom for you pretending to be you- can't promise I'll do a good job.

We need a better preposition for Twitter. Please don't tweet at me. It sounds very aggressive.

Every ad tonight is for a cell phone brand, and they're all terrible Android phones. Have you ever tried making anything for Android? Yuck.

"Think I went through a barrier on the Underground without my Oyster doing its thing. What happens now?" last known words of @Glinner

80's sci fi set design. Lesson 1.- Take a normal qwerty keyboard.- Glue it to the wall.- Take a long lunch. You earned it.

On a form that asked for "age" I wrote "Having lived & worked long enough to sufficiently empathize with Checkov characters."

McCain says Syrians will resent us if we don't intervene and yet all we get is resentment when we do intervene. Does he know how this works?

“Where Have All The Rude Boys Gone?” by Ted Leo and The Pharmacists is my new jam. http://t.co/efO5S1ylrJ

I'm hypnotized by the zither music in The Third Man, unable to movie. I'm in the thrall of the samizdat. #movies

By the way, if you ever found a university or something that requires a fancy motto, go with this: "Latinam legere potes. Vobis expedit."

What sort of vampire would a hypothetical Buttcrackula be?

There's a real product called Kaboom Bowl Blaster. Not sure if it's something you buy or just what happens after six bowls of chili

Everything wrong with the "Everything Wrong With" series in 10 seconds: Shut yer yap for an hour and go make something original.

I wonder what banner ads I'll see if I search "Go fuck yourself, Google" 100x per day.

Being a tandem centaur sounds awesome, as long as I'm the front one. Otherwise, it's a cryptozoological deal-killer.

There's a great compilation of Jonathan Winters stuff on Netflix Instant. It's mostly "deep cuts" from various early TV appearances. #rip

Oh, my bad. I completely forgot to make it clear in that last comment about the line between poignant and tasteless. You crossed it.

The funniest thing about "accidental racist" is the casual "oops, did I do that?" attitude regarding the deepest wound in our country's past

Thatcher taught American politicians quite a bit- specifically how to turn "the wrong side of history" into an effective career plan.

Just pledged Delta Cube. Secret handshake: 7 fingers to symbolize 6 seasons + a movie.

I love the Windows 8 ads: "Hey, consumers. We've stolen a new batch of stuff from Apple!"

Is The Host just a teen girl fantasy about wanting to have 2 boyfriends and bitching about her super-strict, motorcycle-riding mom?

House of Lies, Parks & Rec, Kroll Show - suddenly Jenny Slate is everywhere and nothing coule make me happier- except maybe a PanCast sequel