klemjohansen

The word for 2012 is "egosystem" n. a social network that offers an exaggerated impression of one's relevance (e.g. Twitter)

Teachers packing heat? Let's see Rick Perry spend 1 day in a school like that. Time to put your stupid where your mouth is.

"That's great. It starts with an earthquake. Birds, snakes and airplanes." - Dec. 21, 2012

I wonder if Tom Petty ever acts spiteful in a trivial way. How would people describe it without sounding awkward?

Did I just blow your mind? That depends. Is your mind a dandelion? An opportunity? #hashtag

I think you're buying the wrong things. RT @perlapell The buzz you get from having things doesn't ever last bc things don't love you back.

#porninthenews - "They're Cummin' For Our Guns" #guncontrol

New Ind. Gov. @GovPenceIN says he's super excited to get to work curtailing rights for people who don't look like him. The new (old) GOP.

Found it on ebay? Really? Come on. #ahs

Taylor Swift's ex-boyfriends gathering in LA today to record a "We Ar the World"-style song in response to every song she's ever written

People laughed when I chose Stefan Urquelle for my NBA fantasy team, but last night he got 20 points and 15 boards on TV Land. #hoops

Congrats, Melissa Gilbert and Timothy Busfield. It's a match made on Lifetime Movie Network.

Hey, @PFTompkins is that the Sleepy Voice of the Internet on the new Starcraft trailer? Sounds just like her.

Can't wait until cannibalism is commonplace. When folks talk about "a roast of Eddie Pepitone" are they going to mock him or eat him?

I'm setting up a kickstarter for my new Vonnegut-themed hotel. It's called The Bed & Breakfast of Champions.

Obama is the president we waited in line for at the Apple store but complained about bitterly once we realized we didn't know how to use him

Calzone, it was you all along. You broke my heart. @parksandrecnbc

Everybody shut up! Shh! D to the A, mo-fos.

Forcing through 13 hours of the American version of House of Cards was rewarding and exhausting, much like the actual marathon I never ran

Wondering what Beyonce will do to ruin the Grammies and complete the trifecta- check the fueses, guys!

FTW watching In Search Of on DVD #superbowl

Wit is no substitute for vulgarity.

Remains of Richard III found. I hope they do a reconstruction of the skull to reveal what we already know: he looked just like Kevin Spacey.

Apparently "We're going to cover the controversy" means "We're going to copy/paste shit from the Internet and go home early." Congrats, CNN!

Be prepared... to delay difficult choices. #bsa