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klemjohansen

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Posts posted by klemjohansen

  1. Posted

    If you watch Cop Land carefully, you'll see that there's a clear through-line between the two films. Stallone is essentially playing the same character a few decades of mother-love have beaten him into a simpering wreck. Sometimes I watch Cop Land first in a kind of Star Wars-ish old trillogy/new trillogy thing. By the time you get to the end of Stop or My Mom Will Shoot, you really feel for the guy. I'd be lying if I said I didn't cry a little- which was a huge breakthrough according to this movie.

     

    I'm actually surprised that people can watch Cop Land without having seen the other film and still make sense of it. If you can do it, good for you. But I definitely recommend them as a double feature.

  6. Posted

    A hypothetical TJ presidency would be amazing- and last no more than 15 minutes...

     

    January 21, 2017

     

    "I saw a button and a pushed it," said President TJ by way of explanation for the sudden, unprovoked thermonuclear disaster that has befallen most of the northern hemisphere. "I heard North Korea wants to step to us, and I was like 'nu-huh.' America got hort. HORT!"

     

    For more than an hour, reporters continued pressing for a rationale behind his first and only decision as Commander in Chief that resulted, as we are all now only too aware, this hell-scape in which the irradiated survivors very much envy the dead.

     

    "I gotta do what I gotta do, you know what I'm saying?" TJ told reporters during an impromptu press conference

    in front of his lot on a Kissimmee, FL trailer park. For a moment it seemed that the former darling of the Fox News political machine was about to express genuine remorse as he appeared to be on the verge of tears. "OK, for real now. I just want to tell the American people that I'm sorry. I'm real sorry that I'm not President anymore, dog. So, now I got to go back to my job at Bo Jangles and get my shit right."

    • Like 1

  8. Posted

    The elements of Spiceworld are so nonsensical yet weirdly specific that I'm fairly sure you could do a really good Room 237 treatment of the film.

     

    Also, we all know the title is a reference to the group's love of Frank Herbert's writing. It's through the Spicegirls that I set my mind in motion...

    • Like 1

  13. Posted

    It would be fairly simple to build a form that pushed the movie titles to a mysql table. Use the existing titles as select box options with an "other" where they can type in their own. Use JQuery to show/hide a text input box. You'll need 2 tables, one of the titles labels & id's and another for the votes. That way you can run live stats on each.

     

    The simpler solution would be to just install a polling plug-in for WordPress and be done in 15 minutes but that's a weenie way out. Write your own PHP. It'll put hair on your chest. Then shave it off because you're not Carmine Ragoosa.

    • Like 1

  15. Posted

    I love the thought of a decades-long rivalry between Yanni and Tesh (ala Kirk/Spock or Edison/Tesla) - dozens of incidents that cause one or the other to fly into a rage and scream at the sky. "YANNI!" "TESH!" Dramatic fisticuffs over whose new age compositions are newer and agier, sending each other human feces via registered post, and even talking trash about the other one during concerts:

     

    Tesh: "I'm Yanni. I'm a big dumb idiot who smells like yogurt and cheap cologne."

     

    Yanni (pointing to the back of the auditorium): "Hey, look everybody! It's bigfoot! No ha ha it's talentless Marfan-syndrome-sufferer John Tesh!"

     

    It turns out that it all stems from a love triangle 20 years ago involving Enya- a triangle of which the gaelic warbler was completely unaware.

     

    YANNI!

     

    TESH!

  16. Posted

    During the discussion of adult films from Japan, etc. it made me wonder if people get upset about outsourced porn the way they do with buying a foreign-made car. They're stealing American (blow)jobs!

     

    Your crusty old dad catches you masturbating and isn't upset about what you're doing- he's mad that you're watching Japanese porn. "Hey, spank American!"

    • Like 1

  20. Posted

    Guys. Guys. Guys.

     

    Guys. I don't think it's poor directing or screenwriting that led to the main characters basically ignoring the Brazilian couple (or brother/sister). I think this movie Tyler Durdened all of us. Demi Moore acts like they're not even there - because they aren't.

     

     

    In that sense, the Brazilian couple was originally written to represent the cocaine Chevy ingested before the cameras began rolling. That's why they're always trying to get him to make bonkers decisions- taking weird back roads, running from the cops, etc. If you watch the movie again (which I do NOT recommend), it's possible to imagine all of Demi Moore's interactions with Tyler Negron as add-ons after the script was finalized.

     

    [explosion sound] That's right. Your mind is blown now.

    • Like 4

  25. Posted

    Holy shit that was amazing.

     

    In the future everyone will suck robot dicks. That will be our primary form of communication. We'll forget about keyboards and mice- even touch screens in favor of the flavor of a robot dick. You may not be able to type 60 words a minute but you can suck 100 or more. Yeah, future!

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