JustinL

The franchise is clearly in good hands.

Fuck.

Hello? Hello? What? Speak up, I can't hear you. Just kidding! I'm not in right now, so leave me a message at the sound of the BANG BANG!

I finally watched Burning Love...

Yikes. This might be why they're holding off. It's also not available on demand anywhere, it seems.

The Razzies gave this only one nomination and it was "Worst Supporting Actress" for Sandra Bullock?! This movie may have it's problems, but I say Bullock definitely goes in the "plus" column.

"Timecop" Van Damme's history has been altered and no one remembers him, so he needs to convince his old friend Bruce McGill that he knows him and has to help him. He succeeds and then knocks out a couple of lab employees. McGill: "Was I your only friend?" Then again, maybe this is a bad fit considering it's actually a good line.

An artist who is informed he will be martyred just for expressing his beliefs. Who no one mourns for or even notices is gone. Petty, masturbatory crap.

And to ineptly deliver the movie's first lousy, confusing joke. At the memorial service, the pastor mentions that Kristofferson loved life. Then Dolly chimes in, "The man had 5 kids; he loved something." Yeah, he loved fuckin'. Apparently more than he loved his children considering none of them bothered showing up. Never mind the poorly delivered sex joke, WHERE THE FUCK ARE THESE FIVE KIDS? Five kids?! We only meet the son of one of them, and even he didn't go to the funeral! Come to think of it, do you think they made it a memorial service to imply that some percentage of their five children might have made it to the actual funeral previously? It definitely seems like Randy's mom didn't go to either. The deeper you go, there is just layer upon layer of sadness beneath this film. EDIT (06/19/13): Well, don't I feel like a schmuck? After listening to this for the fourth time, I finally noticed they mentioned the four sons were there and just the daughter wasn't. Never mind.

Joyful Noise Takes On... Rhianna! Some might be bad, but I'm perfectly good at it Prayer in the air, I don't care, I like the sound of it Sticks and stones may break my bones But Christ and Church excite me! Flo Rida! You spin me right round Jesus Right round, so I go down On my knees, downtown! Rick James! I'm a Jesus Freak! Jesus Freak! I'm Jesus Freak-ay! ...And Many More!

What the hell? Around the time that video was released, Michael Showalter and Paul Rudd did an homage on The Michael Showalter Showalter.

I cried as well. As trite and undeserved as it was for this movie in particular, it was a pretty song and I was able to disconnect from the story and just view it as a woman who has lost her life's companion and misses him dearly, taking comfort in the happy memories she has of him.

There was a lot to unpack with this one. You could do a scene by scene analysis of everything wrong with it. The point where I knew this movie had gone completely insane was when the pastor's response to the woman saying no one would have sex with her again was "I heard dat!" Also, Randy sneaks into the house but doesn't bother to close the window or pick up the plant he knocked over? Dick. And fuck you guitar guy who's already in the band. We got us a good guitar player!

Dolly and Queen got nothin' on Whoopi and Lauryn. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OaEH1e_DLm0

Nathan Rabin's take on it from his "My Year of Flops" column: http://www.avclub.co...m-a-mall,14567/ A sample:

"SIMPSONS DID IT!" http://download.lardlad.com/sounds/season12/praiseland7.mp3 The Simpsons - "I'm Goin' to Praiseland" 2001 South Park - "Christian Rock Hard" 2003 NOTE: I just found all this info in like 4 minutes. The internet is effin crazy.

I kept thinking how superior Sister Act 2: Back In the Habit was to this film.

Anyone wanna bet Jason cried a little at Kris Kristofferson's postmortem musical number?

I re-watched this recently for the first time since seeing it in theaters, remembering that it was entertainingly bad...but I don't know. I was mostly bored. It's really saying something that I had a better time watching Street Fighter again. But it could possibly spawn an exasperated conversation similar to the Last Airbender episode.

Oops! Did I bump this?

I think punch-up and improvisation are robbing modern comedies of having an original voice, home skillet!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=01l1WIC9mBo

What initially shocked me about this movie was how artsy it was. Impressively so at times, I felt. It strangely dabbles in impressionism, but then the acting's lousy and the humor out of place (SPOILER: The bed eats a person and then swallows a bottle of Pepto Bismol to settle its "stomach"). The whole movie's on YouTube, so now you can finally see what Patton Oswalt was talking about. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PE45groHd6Q

That's why I will remain reserved until The Canyons is actually in theaters.