thundarthelibrarian

Ass, Grass Or Sea Glass. Nobody rides Jimmy Buffett for free.

Minds, like parachutes, only function when they are hurdling towards the earth at 125 miles an hour with some weirdo strapped to your back.

A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is still putting on its pants. So let that be a lesson to all you truthies out there, to always sleep fully clothed and with your shoes on.

Elvis was a hero to most . And you better believe he meant the same to me. A straight up triple threat, the man was anything but plain. He could sing, dance and act and the world will never be the same.

Early to bed and early to rise leaves more time to get knocked out by those American thighs.

My name is Scott Aukerman and I'll be your dildo sommelier tonight.

Who died and made you the Mayor of Toledo?

Look man, crystal meth got us into this problem and crystal meth is gonna get us out of it too.