DeathToMikeyBay

Just watched this. HOLY SHIT, this is easily one hundred times worse than Double Team. How do you make a movie where everything is so dumb and offensive that Dennis Rodman ends up being the most dignified actor? Motorcycle machine gun gang that all dress like The Clockwork Orange droogs Dane Cook being the most annoying person alive (How did this guy get a career? He's worse than Dennis Miller when it comes to comedian movie roles) Computer hacking monks named "Big Mac" and "Little Mac". The obese one is Little Mac, get it? Is that not hilarious? $292,000 lifetime gross 0% Rotten Tomatoes The only decent clip I can find is someone posting the entire movie in German. I'm just going to leave it at this spot where Dennis Rodman talks to his ex girlfriend. This scene made me want to physically hurt someone. (jump to 35:03) https://youtu.be/Txq1xDbGEqA?t=35m3s

My favorite HDTGM episodes are from "stealth" bad movies. Movies that might seem lame or ordinary at first glance or when you first watched it, but once you take a second look you realize how INSANELY awful they are. 88 Minutes? "Some forgettable cop thriller." Toys? "It's just WIlly Wonka with toys instead of candy, right?" Indecent Proposal? "It was some adult morality tale that I usually only watched the first 5 minutes of as a teenager to see Demi's boobs." WRONG! What made me check out this movie again was learning that it had lead the 1993 Razzies with 7 nominations and 3 wins. "Huh? It wasn't my kind of movie, but I don't remember it seeming that bad. Wasn't it pop culture famous for the time?" So I checked it out on Netflix instant. Wow - Awful awful terrible writing. Like, Twilight level bad writing. You have to suffer watching Woody Harrelson act out Twilight quality writing. One scene where he flips out at Demi is barely one step above "You're tearing me apart, Lisa!". - Right from the opening love scene, you can see how well deserved the nomination for worst soundtrack came from. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wd1OwbzHPBk) - Woody and Demi's plan for affording their dream house is to gamble their life savings at Vegas. The first night, they easily win $25,000. Woody declares that all they have to do tomorrow is double it and it should only take 2 hours. What makes the scene hilarious isn't that they say it in the moment caught up in the excitement, but while Woody wears his reading glasses pretending to pour over a pile of financial documents. The movie proposals that expecting to double your money in 2 hours at a casino is a perfectly rational conclusion after hours of pouring over paperwork and punching the numbers. - In the same scene, Demi is rolling around bed tossing around all the money they won. It's only $25,000. Not quite enough to take a bath in. Not only that, this is their entire life savings that wouldn't even support them for half a year if they lost their jobs, and they're casually throwing it around their hotel room. They probably lost a couple grand under the bed or inbetween the sheets. - They then have sex, and Woody is smearing wads of the money all over Demi's ass and inside her panties. Dude. - Their solid plan of doubling their life savings in 2 hours? Roulette! One of the statistically worst casino games to play! In a game where zero skill comes into play! You might as well gamble your life savings away on slot machines. - Sorry, I'm still not done with the gambling scenes. Where the hell did Woody get "2 hours"? Probability wise, your best odds of winning money on a pure chance game is to just bet everything at once. The more bets you make, the more the law of averages kicks in which guarantees you lose money. While I'm sure no casino lets unknowns bet $25,000 per roulette play, it sure as hell wouldn't take 2 hours to double or bust at max bets. - Seriously, ROULETTE??? What was the master plan for their financial future, just keep betting on black? - You have long time character actor Oliver Platt as the comedy relief lawyer who seems like he stepped off a light rom com like The Backup Plan more than this serious morality tale. "You sold your wife? How you do such a thing....without letting me negotiate first! You could have gotten twice that for her!" *sad trumpet noise* It's like sticking a wacky joke character into The Crying Game or Unfaithful. - They lose all their savings and decide to accept Redford's proposal of $1 million "for one night with your wife". The lawyer works into the contract that they get the money even if there's no sex. Despite that, Demi is banging him within 3 minutes of meeting him on his boat. Redford's secret technique? Flipping a coin. - Redford and Demi attend a charity auction for endangered animals, MC'd by Head of the Class' Billy Connolly (the poor man's John Cleese) telling terrible jokes. He then proceeds to verbally bash all the animals the event is trying to save! - This movie was directed by the great Adrien Lynn! SO UPSETTING - The author of the novel it was based on never wrote another book. - The screenwriter who adapted it also wrote Slumber Party Massacre and all FIVE of the Beethoven movies!!! Yeah, HDTGM could have a run with this one.

Not sure if anyone has already pointed out this BLASPHEMY, but that shot is not from the original 1982 The Thing, but from the awful 2011 prequel, not directed by John Carpenter.

I was looking for the "I Know Who Killed Me" episode. The download link is dead and Soundcloud says it can't find the file. I tried going through all earlier episodes and the same error, but the current episode is fine and available. Was there some erasure of older episodes I missed?

This movie is like Nothing but Trouble if they removed all the grossout stuff but didn't bother to fill the void with humor.

Oh my god, this February 14th will be the TWENTY-FIFTH anniversary of the Wayne's World movie. 25 years!!!!!! Fuck I feel old.

Another factor that needs mentioning, the sheer number of punchlines that fall completely flat. When it isn't Loony Toones or rape jokes, it's entire scenes to set up a verbal joke that falls so flat it becomes this performance art anti-comedy. Example: a 2 minute long scene where the only purpose is for Arnold to start telling Ann about his gun. "This is my custom made six shooter." "What makes it custom?" "I had it custom made to hold seven shots." "A six shooter that holds seven shots?" "Yes....." "......." See, because the gun is called a six shooter, but it can shoot seven times. Seven is a different number than six so that is funny. Two full minutes for that "joke". Silent pause at the end like they were expecting to dub in a laugh track later. Every third scene is a mutli-minute setup for a dropped "punchline" like that. I never imagined there would be a flatter wild west comedy than Lightning Jack, but there it is.

I forgot 2 important parts: Paul Lynde as an indian chief in what might be the single most offensive portrayal of "white guy as native american" in film history. and then the most baffling part: this movie is full of rape jokes! All the parts that aren't loony toones is either Ann Margaret trying to get Arnold to fuck her, or Kirk Douglas remarking how he's going to rape Ann-Margret. Eventually Paul Lynde joins hops on board the "let's rape Ann-Margret" train. The only possibly way they could have passed this horrendously stupid movie off is as a live action Loony Toones for kids, yet they cram it chock full of rape jokes! HOW DID THIS GET MADE?

Sidenote: can anyone name a funny western comedy, aside from Blazing Saddles or Three Amigos?

Just finished watching this. I don't think I've ever shouted, "OH FUCK YOU, MOVIE!" so much at a flick. The plot is Arnold and Ann Margaret ride a wagon for 2 hours while Kirk Douglas tries to rob them using every single Wiley E. Coyote trick in the book. I mean literally every single one. Every scene has you thinking that they can't possibly get any more Looney Toons, yet every single scene proves you wrong. Here is Kirk in a typical scene. Imagine an entire movie of this, complete with slide whistles, trombones, and BOOOING sound effects. I dare you not to throw something at your TV at the very end.

Am I crazy thinking this movie is the better version of Thor?

The Pacino movie episodes are always the best. This would be the perfect chance to get Pete Homes back for the dueling Pacinos that made 88 Minutes the best episode. Any Given Sunday is pretty much Vince McMahon getting Oliver Stone to do a movie about the XFL, but Stone thought he was still making Natural Born Killers. Highlights include: -Cameron Diaz in the most miscast movie role ever. -Black guys making fun of white guys' music. White guys retaliate by throwing an alligator at them???! -SUV power sawing -Cameron shaking hands with dangling elephant dicks waving around -James Woods suggesting an anal gangbang. -Tackling a player so hard his eyeball pops out. -Scenes beginning with Wagner music, transitioning to rap, transitioning to Slayer -Al Pacino monologuing almost to the point of Devil's Advocate. PLEASE!

Whoops. I was searching the forum for "carriers".

A super low budget feature that you would be shocked hasn't been made into a Mystery Science Theater episode yet. A man wakes up one day and discovers that every object he touches becomes "infected" with every infected object burning to death any living thing that touches it. The town descends into anarchy as people wrap themselves in garbage bags and divide into factions going to war over the most valuable of resources.....cats! The animal that can detect infected objects. 90% of the sound effects in this movie are crinkling garbage bags and cats meowing. This 2 minute montage is all you need to know. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pu3OULgTEBw

List of movies matching "nail gun" on imdb. http://www.imdb.com/search/keyword?keywords=nail-gun With maybe 2 exceptions, they are ALL shit!

Just recently saw this for the first time in 20 years. Wow I forgot just how much of a DRAG the 2nd act was. 1st act has naked Mathilda May and crazy energy ghouls. 3rd act has tons of crazy energy ghouls and naked Mathilda May again. The 2nd act has neither. Worse, it's all just exposition dumps by the 2 scientists talking to the astronaut. All the information they dump in the dull 2nd act was mostly stuff we already knew from the space ship scenes, and the ones that weren't could have easily taken place on the space ship's return flight which would have been way more interesting than 3 guys chatting on a helicopter and a hospital office.

Tomb Raider wouldn't work. It was competently made but just dull. So many Indiana Jones ripoffs forget what made those movies work: Indy was mostly improvising, his plans never quite worked out the way he first thought, he seemed genuinely surprised when his plans worked, and he got pummeled to shit in the process. Angelina's Laura Croft is just an effortless badass which is so much more boring in comparison. I take issue with saying Silent Hill Revelations is good! Movie was just a lazy mess. There is no way that script wasn't written over a single weekend. Even the one or two creative monster designs wasn't enough to save it.

So this movie was Super Mario Brothers and Escape From New York thrown into a blender with a dash of USA Up! All Night's rated PG sexiness seasoning.

I hadn't seen or looked up anything on this movie before listening. On hearing that Roddy was overweight, I finally looked up pictures and HOLY SHIT. Is that really the same Roddy from They Live? It looks more like Meatloaf or the lead singer from Grim Reaper. How many years was this made after They Live? .....HOLY SHIT it was made only ten months BEFORE They Live? Props to whatever diet he went on between the two.

Pete Holmes is back and you DIDN'T have him do another Pacino movie? Still holding out that getting Holmes to do Any Given Sunday would be the best episode. Behold only a small portion of the insanity https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=irQ9m6N_bBw

For a second I thought this week's episode was about the 1986 Australian movie about a kid trying to find out the mystery of a "monster" that lives in a local lake. (it was pretty boring. One of those movies you rented based solely on the cover, which is all you had to go by before the internet)

Constant emphasizing that you can't use your power because it ages you, especially after "ascension" at 18. Then the villain, who has constantly used it for everything since 18, is still able to pass for a high school student years later. Not only is the final battle boring (especially considering all the crazy powers they're supposed to have), but it doesn't make sense. The main character isn't doing that bad against the villain, but we're constantly told HE DOESN'T STAND A CHANCE UNTIL HE ASCENDS. He ascends, and seems like he'll eventually win, but then we're told HE NEEDS HIS FATHER TO WILL HIM HIS POWER. His father wills him his power, and there is no noticeable increase in his fighting ability. He just goes on to eventually win same as before. Renny Harlin is terrible and he ruined Geena Davis.

Hansel & Gretel was actually a lot better than I was expecting. I thought it would be some souless edgy fairy tale bandwagon turd, but it was actually funny & gory in an Army of Darkness kind of way. Turns out it was made by the same guy who did Dead Snow, the equally funny & gory Nazi zombie movie.

1. Any Given Sunday- An entire movie of Devil's Advocate style Pacino monologues, only about footbal. A football movie where Oliver Stone still thinks he's directing Natural Born killers. Cameron Diaz playing it cool with foot long penises dangling in her face. Black players make fun of the white players' music, so the white players retaliate by throwing an alligator at them. Every single football play results in either a career-ending injury or a touchdown. An eyeball pops out. An SUV is chainsawed in half. James Wood goes on a 5 minute rant against women for no reason at all. Amazingly surreal. GET PETE HOLMES BACK TO DO THIS! 2. Red Lights- Defies explanation. Sigourney Weaver plays a psychic debunker in some alternate reality where psychic frauds are the biggest plague on humanity. This movie is to skeptics what Left Behind is to Christians: persecution porn. 3. The Girl Next Door- On the surface this isn't HDTGM material, but this is most tonally confused movie I've ever seen. A high school boy discovers his new neighbor is a famous porn star and must scramble to secretly shoot a porno at his school in the middle of prom. Sounds like a madcap teen sex comedy? No! The movie delivers this completely straight as a touching drama. Also the message throughout the entire movie is "sex is perfectly naturall and nothing to be ashasmed of, porn is a force of educational goodness!", yet it steers as far as possible from any sex scenes and there is barely any nudity, also themain character must "rescue" the girl from porn even though it's supposed to be a good thing?

Best instance of a twerpy glasses guy playing a total asshole in an action movie since Clarence Boddicker in Robocop.