DeathToMikeyBay

The most mocked sequel subtitles of all time: Electric Boogaloo Die Harder 2 Fast 2 Furious

Inspired by the recent Disclosure episode, and the need to cover ALL ridiculous 90s erotic thrillers. Starring Timothy Hutton, Lara Flynn Boyle, Faye Dunaway, and Oliver Platt (who played a dweebish side character in every other movie from the early 80s & 90s). If I had to describe The Temp, it would be Disclosure meets All About Eve. Fear of a woman rising up a company using sex, plus her first appearing as a valuable helper but paranoia sets in wondering if she's trying to replace the protagonist. It is about the Machiavellian maneuverings at a company...a COOKIE company. Imagine the powerful ACTING! scenes of Disclosure, only the topic is cookies instead of harassment and cd-roms. It features hilarious murders: dumb electrocutions, haywire office equipment, eating glass, and the one and only cinematic instance of Chekhov's wasp. This one image perfectly sums it up.

This was one of the quaintest 90s movies ever. Erotic thriller, Dennis Miller, CD-ROMs, virtual reality (there was a big VR craze in the early 90s), PDAs with built in fax modems. Has no one brought up yet that this movie got not one, but TWO Bollywood remakes? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aitraaz https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shrimathi There is no more awkward and dated sub-genre than the 90s erotic thriller. There's an obscure one that would totally make great HDTGM fodder: The Temp. Starring Timothy Hutton, Lara Flynn Boyle, Faye Dunaway, and Oliver Platt (who played a dweebish side character in every other movie from the early 80s & 90s). It is also about the Machiavellian maneuverings at a company...a COOKIE company. Imagine the powerful ACTING! scenes of Disclosure, only the topic is cookies instead of harassment and cd-roms. It features hilarious murders: dumb electrocutions, haywire office equipment, eating glass, and the one and only cinematic instance of Chekhov's wasp.

In other news, China just asked the world, "You know what Princess Mononoke was missing? The Country Bears!"

Between this and The Secret, I was very confused upon hearing the title choice of chosen movie.

Was I the only one who thought this seemed like the exact same plot that would go on to be the 2011 and 2014 Muppet movies? Past musical variety show is long disbanded. Youngster who grew up idolizing them travels to their old performance area, now abandoned. Stumbles on plot by banker to sell it off to developers. Seeks out old leader to try and get the members back together for a fundraising concert. Road trip to find all the former members slumming it. Banker tries to sabotage the show. Youngster allowed to perform with group. Then the "nobody appreciates the strain that all the self centered personalities put on the leader who tries to make it work" angle that was Muppets Most Wanted. Did this bomb end up inspiring the Muppets comeback? It deviates enough from the Blues Brothers/Electric Boogaloo formula into a lot of shared specifics. (edit: whoops, posted this before listening to the episode where Paul mentions this in the first 30 seconds!)

Whoah. I was reading a review of the new Alladin remake while listening to this episode. At the exact moment I start reading a comment on the new voice for the animated parrot compared to Gilbert Gottfried in the cartoon, Jason remarks on being the voice for an animated parrot in John Wick. Whoah

I had an absolute blast with it, but it had us going, "...the FUCK??!!" every other minute.

Cam, the recent 2018 Netflix original movie. Holy fuck. This is the next I Know Who Killed Me. It comes off like Jeff Hammond teamed up with Diablo Cody to write a Lifetime movie morality tale, and somehow Lifetime was totally cool with making it rated R. It's about a cam girl who makes a living off a Chatterbate type site. The portrayal of such sites is half technically accurate, half clueless Lifetime portrayal. The chat is users spamming animated emojis of smiley faces popping boners. It becomes comical the tens of thousands of custom emojis and pictures everyone has ready to go at every kind of situation. The protagonist's shows are half extreme stunts, half insanely banal (watch me eat a candlelight dinner and the highest donor gets to decide which dish I eat?). She doesn't really feature any nudity during the show, but the movie is fine with showing her boobs after the show is over? For some reason, her motivation isn't to make money, but to beat all the other models on the site and become the #1 most popular. None of the top models get naked. The #1 model's show is sitting on her bed reciting how her day went. The other models feature shows to actively sabotage her shows and draw away viewers, because it's all about being a higher ranking. Later on, she visits what is apparently the local communal cam girl abode, meaning all the local area cam girls rent out a house to do cam shows in and chill at the bar? It's like the assassin hotel in John Wick, only for cam girls. Insanity. The protagonist is keeping her profession secret from her mother. Yet she is perfectly fine with not only telling her brother, but showing off pictures of her shows to him and bragging about moving up in the rankings. Wtf????? So it seems on track to be a Lifetime movie, but then it becomes an I Know Who Killed Me inept David Lynch movie until it becomes COMPLETELY BATSHIT by the end, putting the whole stigmata twist in IKWKM to shame. It is insane, glorious, and hilarious. Go on Netflix right now and watch it. You'll be howling in laughter in the first five minutes like I was.

A better title for the movie: "Would Ya?"

Just got to the end with June's "No....no!"s

That's exactly how the Japanese novel ended. The accident happens when the daughter is 11. The wife possesses her body for years into her teenage years. The daughter's personality begins to partially emerge and grows stronger until she is fully conscious and in control again. The father accepts this and raises her as his daughter again. On her wedding day, he breaks down as he suspects that his daughter never came back and his wife just gave up being her original self and decided to be the daughter.

Yeah. I'm saying this in the spirit of constructive criticism, but I much prefer it when they at least try to go through the beats of the plot. 15+ minute yelling tangents about alternate dimensions or Mario Lopez chest hair theories, not so much. I was listening to a couple older episodes and the difference was startling. They used to focus on the actual movie and the plot a lot more. Maybe have Paul write up a quick plot outline before every episode, and guide the discussion to go down the beats.

Idealistic young protagonist leaves to join a resistance, hooks up with cocky criminal with a ship, must drop a bomb into the vulnerable opening in the bad guy's base before it can fire its super laser, but not before a "I am your father" speech with the villain. The movie world has giant cities on treads going around "eating" smaller tracked cities because fuel and resources and something. This is called “municipal darwinism" in the movie. I'm sure that was meant to be some kind of profound social commentary. The whole thing is just a mess.

I'd just like to offer this gem observation : spoiler for the first 5 minutes... ....It starts with the main character as a child. She rides up to her house on a bike, dumps the bike on the lawn, then enters the house and witnesses her mother hanging herself. We then see the title announce "Ten years later" and the bike is still in the exact same spot on the lawn. Oooo! Oooo! Wait I've got one more. This one is more of a spoiler, and is just yet another example of how the protagonist is the worst person ever. By over the halfway mark, she has to know for sure that bad things happen to people she knows whenever she makes a wish. Does she do the right thing and stop making wishes? Is she forced into making a wish for something really important? Nope! She makes "I wish my dad was cool" because she's embarrassed by him being addicted to dumpster diving (even though they're millionaires now). Cut to her and her girlfriends gazing dreamily at her dad (who looks just 10 years older than her) playing smooth jazz with his band in their living room. Her friend's cousin then dies horribly as the price to pay for cool jazz dad. Best final scene in a horror too.

Half of what I wrote actually happens in the movie!

The movie was so badshit, I made a list where half the entries actually happen in the movie, and half of them are the most insane things I could think up. The challenge, can YOU tell which are which? - Autism is presented as the next stage of human evolution - Predator comes across a couple fucking, and waits until the man orgasms before impaling him, spraying blood all over the woman as she orgasms. - Children steal a predator's armor to go trick or treating in it - Soldier shouting, "It's not gay, okay?!" every two minutes. - Tourette's Predator shouting stuff out in garbled alien voice - Predator dogs - Predator taking a giant dildo as kill trophy - Predator trying to figure out how to eat potato chips after stumbling across pot farm. - Predator becomes nice guy after suffering brain damage.

Have to bump this because I just watched it last night and HOLY SHIT. It's more batshit/awful/trainwreck than Jingle All the Way and Deck the Halls combined. A constant barrage of "gags" that come off like a space alien's understanding of Earthling humor. It's also one of those "Who is this for?" movies because the gags are too childish for adults, yet the subject matter is nothing children would relate to. Then your mind is blown even further when the credits reveal that this was based on a John Grisham book! Tim Allen & Jamie Lee Curtis bid farewell to their daughter who leaves for Peru to join the Peace Corps for a year. They decide that instead of the usual Christmas, they will go off on a tropical cruise. Tim Allen decides to extend this to a space alien degree by refusing to do anything Christmas related, including attending the office party, putting up decorations, or donating to charities! He even decides to send out notices to everyone in his office that he's boycotting Christmas, like an obnoxious militant atheist who can't shut up about not believing in anything. The space alien alternate reality creeps in multiple times where the movie expects us to believe: -That the Boy Scouts raise money by selling giant Christmas trees door to door, from the back of a giant cargo truck. -That entire neighborhoods of 10 year old boys give a shit whether or not some neighbor puts up a plastic Frosty the snowman statue. -That there are people who dress up as Santa during rainstorms to stand out on the street selling umbrellas. (said Santa goes off to sell umbrellas during a snowstorm at the end) -That your parish priest seeing you in a bathing suit is the worst possible scandal ever. The technology in the movie is bizarrely outdated, even for 2005. Tim Allen's work computer monitor looks like a B&W Apple model from the mid 80s. He types up his Christmas boycott letter in what you assume is going to be a mass email, but then he prints out a hundred physical copies...on fancy company stationary! John Grisham, the man worth $350 million, believes that hiring a band for a homeless shelter charity dinner costs $15,000. So the entire town learns that they're not putting up Christmas decorations and decide to harass them to the degree that there are throngs of protestors blocking their house 24/7 taking up "Free Frosty" chants. You could alter the story to have the Kranks be a Jewish family in 1930s Germany (with Dan Akroyd as the local Blockleiter) and it would play out exactly the same. Christmas Eve, the night before they leave for the cruise, their daughter calls to announce that she's 8 hours away from coming home. See, she decided to quit the Peace Corps after a month to marry a Peruvian doctor. Nobody ever questions this as a shitty idea, or her as an awful person. Not only do her parents not say, "Too bad. We already booked this $3000 cruise," but they're too terrified to even mention that they planned a cruise. They go into a panic in order to put up a facade that they never planned a cruise and were throwing a big Christmas party all along. The entire town, happy now that the Kranks have embraced National Socialiasm, join in a one thousand man hour effort in order to throw up the illusion of a grand celebration like the daughter was the Tsarina inspecting the countryside. Tim Allen complains that he's been planning the Christmas day cruise "for six weeks", even though he started the Sunday after Thanksgiving. He finally decides to give away the tickets to the neighbors whose wife has terminal cancer. He announces "you can't refund them anyway". Wow, what a heartfelt charitable gesture. Blah blah blah the movie keeps going 20 minutes after it should have ended. Something about a burglar, Cheech and Jake Busey playing cops, and finally the umbrella Santa Claus turning out to be the real Santa Claus who flies away in a VW Beetle pulled by cgi reindeer. I shit you not. This would make an amazing episode.

This is one thing that bugged me about Stranger Things. It's supposed to be the 80s, but all the kids are riding around on vintage 60s and 70s bikes*. I don't think I ever saw a single kid riding anything like that during the 80s. It was all Huffy kids bikes modeled after BMX models. It was like the prop designer, rather than actually looking at what bikes kids rode in the 80s, just watched older kids movies taking place in the 50s-60s like It, Stand By Me, and The Sandlot and just used the exact same bikes there. Come to think of it, the recent It movie had the same issue. It was supposed to be the 80s, but the kids were riding the same old bikes that the kids were in the 1990 tv movie that took place in the 60s. * plus every single kid was using a light on their bike. THIS NEVER HAPPENED. I never saw one single kid use a bike light in the 80s. They would have been made fun of and called a wuss. At best a kid's bike had reflectors on it. That was as far as bike safety went back then.

Surprised there was no talk about the people who made this. The director, Kerry Conran, had never done anything before, but really wanted to make a movie. Like a 5 year old making a movie, he wanted to throw in everything he thought was awesome: Godzilla, robots, planes, kung fu, and Angelina Jolie as a mom. And like a 5 year old, it was a cargo cult mess. Predictably, everyone turned down Conran's awful script. So how did this get made? Producer Jon Avnett thought the script was totally awesome bro, and funded it in addition to getting financing. It's like if Tommy Wiseau had a greater amount of funding and a lesser amount of glue huffing addiction. The name "Jon Avnett" should sound familiar, because he's the guy who directed 88 Minutes (in addition to the other Pacino turd, Righteous Kill). I can't believe the HDTGM crew overlooked that overlap with their old reviews! Conran went on to do absolutely nothing else, save one short called "Gumdrop" eight years later in 2012. The one other thing he did? Writing the novelization of Sky Captain the same year it was released. Jon Avnett by himself is a particular black hole of awful. His one claim to fame is directing Fried Green Tomatoes. Other than that, it's a string of stuff NOBODY has ever heard of. The most baffling is he directed like half a dozen TV series all titled with a woman's first name: "Jan", "Vanessa and Jan", "Kendra", "Lauren", "Susanna".

Paul's official: - Surfing/skateboarding - Under 90 minutes - rapping granny others? My additions: - Crazy foreign couple - "hip" remixes of classic songs - a pair of twins minor characters - DJing, record scratching - More than 2 writers (even 2 is a red flag)

Confession time: I worked on this movie Some recollections: -Walking into the Lionsgate building felt like you were selling your soul. Partly because at the time they were known for stinkers like Saw and The Day After Tomorrow, partly because the giant cutout logo greeting you when you entered was the "gear powered gate from hell". https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ArNzyoD-adk -Nathalia Ramos was a class act. She came off as the most mature and sophisticated of the bunch. I was floored when I found out she was only 15 at the time (the other girls were 18-21). Under 18 actors puts a whole big list of rules into place, limiting hours available to shoot. Lots of grumbling from higher ups about "damn child labor laws". Anyway, she was the one I had pegged to make it out of the bunch, and looking at her IMDB page now it at least looks like she made it the most. -Skyler Shaye...cannot...act. You had to see it to believe it. Couldn't get through any lines with proper emotion or inflection. When the director tried, he might as well have been talking an alien language. Eventually they started shooting her parts one line at a time because she couldn't handle anything more at once (no way am I watching the movie to check, but go look at her scenes and see how many times she delivers more than one line per shot). Up until that point they were doing up to 20 takes or more for each couple of her lines, growing more awkward every time as people staring at the floor all thinking the same thing. I feel bad though because she was actually a very nice person, always acting grateful to everyone for being there. The only reason she gets parts is Jon Voight being her god father. She was in all of the Baby Geniuses movies, also with Jon Voight. I can't think of any of her movies that didn't also have Voight in them. I think him agreeing to be in them is the only way to get her a part. I'm not proud of this moment in my history, but at the time for work it was either this movie or American Carol so please try to understand and forgive me.

The answer to "What's Voltron?" should be "cartoon Power Rangers".

You know, if you tweaked the cats slightly and made them werewolves, this movie would be pretty damn close to Hemlock Glove. The mother/son creature duo especially. I used to think it was silly how high school student characters in 80s movies looked like they were 35, but when was the last time people saw actual 80s high school students? Here's a last day of school video someone shot in 1980. These kids all look like they're 28-35! You also see a TON of smoking (high school kids were actually allowed to smoke right outside the entrance back then), which would probably explain it. Plus coke, lots and lots of coke.

HOLY SHIT!!!!!! HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!!!! This movie? Written by the killer from Color of Night BAM! http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0523198/?ref_=ttfc_fc_wr4 This movie has to be on HDTGM now.